Saturday, September 03, 2005

Taking Off the Blinders

The owner of a photographic studio tells the story of a college boy who came in with a framed picture of his girlfriend. He wanted the picture duplicated. In removing the photograph from the frame, the studio owner noticed the inscription on the back, written by the girlfriend: ‘My dearest Tommy: I love you with all my heart. I love you more and more each day. I will love you forever and ever. I am yours for all eternity.’ It was signed ‘Dianne’ and contained a P.S.: ‘If we should ever break up, I want this picture back.’

Too often when it comes to relationships, we’re blind to what’s obvious to those around us. A bad “pick” is easier to see in someone else’s relationship than in our own. We easily notice the faults in our friend’s boyfriend, but we are blind to the faults in our guy.

After a bad break up, young women (or men!) often find themselves saying, “I should have listened to my mom . . . or my friend. They could see what he/she was like all along.”

“Whenever the truth is threatening, we tend to reach for the blinders,” says Jo-Ellen Dimitrius, author of Reading People. It’s time to take off those blinders and take a good look. Who are you choosing to commit to? Can he be considered your “best”? If not, why are you settling for less?

If you are currently in a dating relationship, ask yourself how you would view your boyfriend if you were an outsider looking in. Are you sticking around because you’re needy? Because of fear?

The person with the biggest needs or fears are usually the ones that fill their lives with the biggest Mr. Wrong.

Also, our judgment in relationships disappears when sex is thrown into the mixture. Once the powerful and pleasurable ingredient of sex is added we tend to overlook even basic flaws . . . until the passion subsides, of course. But by then it can be too late. By then, your emotions are in a tight knot.

What do you think? Have you ever reached for the blinders in a past relationship? Have you gone too far that your emotions became entangled in a tight knot? How did you deal with it? I'd love to hear your thoughts!


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Hopeful Clarity said...

Ok, honestly, yes. I have put on blinders in a relationship. But not in a way that doesn't allow me to see them for who they are. It's rather in a way that doesn't allow me to see them for who "we" could become. I'm scared of a relationship. If I'm honest with myself, that's the answer I come up with. I don't want to be hurt. But I don't want to be a love-em-and-leave-em type either. I recently told a guy that I didn't want to go on a second date because I didn't like him as more than a friend. But my behavior on our first date may have suggested otherwise. He took it extremely well, or so I thought, but I don't know what he was honestly thinking. And now I've created a problem. He's my cousin's friend. A cousin I see regularly, and love to hang out with. Hopefully it won't be strange. I'm very inexperienced: still a virgin, never had a boyfriend. I've been kissed, and I've been on an official date, but I'm still naive in the world of dating.

I feel like I'll know it's the "real thing" when I don't see the flaws. Or when I see them, accept them, and love him anyway. That hasn't happened yet, and everybody says it never will. Are they right? Or is there hope that Prince Charming will truly be what he is from the very beginning? I can't really allow myself to talk about this to my parents because they're so protective. But somehow, typing it makes it so much clearer.

But, as a college student, living a life with so many opportunities makes it hard to see God's will in my life, specifically pertaining to boys. Turning to Him is easier said than done. There's hope, I know, but can anyone show me?