Monday, October 23, 2006

here I am again. . .

I've been so busy with writing, preparing a home to sell, and with life in general that I've missed my time with God. I've been doing God-like things--like this blog and others--but nothing can take the place of just spending time in God's presence.

Now that it's been a matter of weeks and my time with him has been like that of a nice friend--I see him when I can and I like it when I do--I realize that this is not the way I want to live as a Christ follower.

Even as I tried to carve out time today I allowed distractions to chip away at the morning, until finally I realized that I must shut the door--literally and spiritually.

I got alone with him. I didn't know what to say, so I sat quietly until I felt peace settle around me in the small room. I talked to him honestly about my doubts, about my efforts to get the word out about the book, and how I had somehow let everything--all good things, but not God--get in the way of our relationship.

And then I prayed for those who were on my heart.

I felt the old and wonderful presence settle in my heart--the security of knowing I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Sometimes a hamster-wheel mentality robs me of that intimacy. Run as fast as I can to do all that I can. And yet, what is it that God wants from me?

Me. He simply wants me. Every other door that will open--or not--will be less than earth shattering because I hung out with him that day and the most important part of my faith walk was complete.

Thanks for allowing me to be honest. This author, this speaker who loves God with all of her heart, is first just "his girl", and today I had to cut through all the stuff just to say:

"here I am again, Father. . . just you and me."

Suzie Eller

1 comment:

Sookie said...

That was a really beautiful post!