Last weekend I turned in a new book to my publisher. It's a book for 20-somethings called "The Woman I Am Becoming". I had a blast hanging out with my friends and the focus group as we talked about life, love, faith, relationships, and more.
One thing that came up was guys.
One person asked why girls accepted guys who weren't the greatest. Not in looks. Not in what they had, like a cool car or even what they do. But guys who didn't treat them well, or who were selfish, or who asked for way too much emotionally or sexually.
That started a whole new conversation. This is one thing that one 20-something friend said:
"I have a friend who is 22 and has been "talking to" a guy long distance for a year now. They are "best friends" and she "loves him". Yet they've never talked about "us". They've never had the all-important "DTR" (define the relationship) talk. And she is so anxious for definition. She worries and wonders where he is at, yet she refuses to bring it up. She is all caught up emotionally, spiritually, all of that. I really don't think its healthy or what God intended."
As we talked I asked them why girls of any age would settle for any of this.
They said it is because it hooks a "we" over your name. He may not be the right guy. He may not treat you well. He may not be honest with you. But at least it's a relationship.
This is something I see a lot when I speak to teens. When I spoke at a school recently, one girl said, "I know I've had a good day if a guy talks to me."
Wouldn't it be better to have the "we" over your name spell out "you and God" as you wait for a godly guy who is into you, and who treats you like he really cares about you?
I don't want to wait. . .
Hey, nobody likes to wait. I get that, but I also believe that waiting is often the best thing to happen in my life. I've learned that waiting is part of my destiny.
I wait until it's the right person, or the right thing to do, or when I have a green light from God that says, "hey Suz, this is what I have for you".
Jason Illian in Jason Illian, in Undressed – The Naked Truth about Love, Sex and Dating, says:“Staying put” is about allowing our hearts to be still long enough for God to share his remarkable plan for our lives."
Romans 8:24-25 (The Message) says this: "That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."
What do you think?
New book coming soon: Making It Real: Whose Faith Is It Anyway?