Jaded

I worked full-time in student ministry for six years. During that time, I enlisted in Dallas Theological Seminary. Some of you may wonder why I said enlisted. I didn’t use the wrong word. It really does feel like you sign you life away when you enroll in seminary. For the next several years (7 for me), my life was consumed with the Bible and theology. These things seem good and are good, but it can leave you jaded.

As I was driving in car the other day, I confessed to my husband that I have become jaded due to knowledge. Seminary has left more questions than answers in some cases. Things that I accepted in child-like faith are no longer easy to accept. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know as much.

Sometimes in our faith, we become jaded. The things that struck wonder in us no longer effect us. We look at this world through the eyes of knowledge rather than wonder. We need to have a sense of wonder in our lives.

In moments like these, I realize that I need to step back and remember who God is. What is it about God that incites wonder in me? When I think about how great God is, I can’t help but think how small I am. I read Job 38:1-6 today and the jadedness began to fade…

Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said: "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set,or who laid its cornerstone-

This reminds me of an opportunity I had to speak on a tiny island called Kwajalein in the middle of the south Pacific. While I was there, I fell sick. I had to cough every minute. I was a wreak. I remember having a moment where I was pretty bummed on the fact that I was sick and so far away from home. As I was pouting and complaining to the Lord, I looked up and saw what was around me. In that moment, I caught a glimpse of something that I needed to be reminded of—God’s bigness. I realized how small I was and how small my worries were. How many moments like that do you have in the course of a week? It’s spring, the flowers are blooming, I’m alive! Am I having “God is big” moments? Or are a lot of my moments “My problems are big and Its all about me” moments?

I don’t know what it takes to incite wonder in you, but maybe take a minute and think about how big God is. Take a drive and look around at what you see. Open up an encyclopedia and look at the universe. If you’re a parent, look into the eyes of your child. Don’t let the knowledge jade you. We should constantly look for ways to incite wonder in ourselves so that we don’t become jaded in our faith.