Tuesday, March 09, 2010

A Pledge for True Intimacy

I recently had a conversation during a radio program (She Speaks to Inspire) where we ventured into talking about abstinence, abstinence pledges, and promise rings. We stayed on the topic long enough to bring up the importance of having conversations of depth about what that pledge or promise really means to the person making it.

A few follow-up ideas:

Keep the dialogue going. Have conversations about sex and abstinence within the context of solid family relationships. If that seems difficult with your family right now, make strong connections with mentors at your church (women with women, guys with guys).

Keep asking questions and checking in with those who can help you stay firm in your commitment. Remember that this is more about what you’re running toward (God's gifts and best for you) instead of what you’re trying to stay away from.

Create your line of no compromise by using God’s standards instead of the shifting lines of others. A couple verses to check out are 1Timothy 5:1-2 and 1 Peter 2:11, and 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 in The Message is also powerful!

If you’ve already compromised—even a little—stop now and talk to an adult who can help you get going in a solid direction from this day on. Pick up or borrow a copy of Seduced by Sex, Saved by Love—A Journey Out of False Intimacy. Get rooted in understanding true intimacy worth waiting for.

I know this is an incomplete list. I wrote a whole book about the topic and knew I couldn't cover it all. In my letter to my readers at the end of the book, I said:
This book was written with you in mind. At first I struggled because sex is such a huge topic. How would I be sure I could cover everything you would want to know about it. I realized, very quickly, I couldn't.

So I prayed. I prayed for you. I prayed for this book. And in praying I felt that I might do many things with these pages as I told the stories of others and invited a
dialogue about sex. But I had to do one thing for sure: Go for the heart--your heart.

After all, it's your heart that makes the difference in what you choose to do with anything you read or consider about sex.

So above anything you might or might not fully grasp about sex, may you know God's pursuit of you and may you keep your heart fully open to him. I'm convinced that if you do these things, you'll have no room for false intimacy. You'll discover healing for those wounds and the confusing perceptions that send you there. You'll know in an instant when you're walking the thin line of compromise.

And you'll be attuned to his voice, the one that calls you back into the safety of his boundaries, back to his design for intimacy. True intimacy, not a false one.

I wish for you the most amazing love story you could ever imagine.
Jan

http://www.jankern.com/ - including book excerpts

4 comments:

deborah said...

thanks 4 this excerpt going 2 check out this book asap so i can continue going strong 4 God like he has 4 me :)

Jan Kern said...

Comments were held back, so my apologies for not seeing yours sooner.

Great commitment, Deborah. Keep going strong and connecting with the one who is strength!

deborah said...

have read the entire book really enjoyed it. although i couldnt identify with everything about suzy, i can tell that ur book was still speakin 2 my heart. i am so grateful 4 writers who realize their God-given talent n used it to help inspire change in someone else's life. i thank God that i have found your book and i pray that the words i have read from your book as well as others burn deep in my heart and make an everlasting change. i pray also that it invokes a change on other readers it encounters. now i am about to begin reading redeeming love. :) thanks again 4 ur book

Jan Kern said...

You're welcome, Deborah. I'm glad you were able to read the book--as well as others that encourage a transformative change, especially in the area of our commitment to God's true intimacy.

He doesn't leave us alone to figure it out but walks with us and deepens our understanding and commitment.

Isn't that cool?