I don't know about you, but there have been times where I've allowed circumstances and the pain of said circumstances to pull me away from God, rather than tug me closer. We've all been there.
In fact, I've ridden tidal waves between these two extremes (close with God, far from God) multiple times over the same circumstance I'm dealing with currently, and it is, in a word, exhausting.
So what do we do when we're tired? Worn out? Tired of fighting to keep our head above water, tired of the back and forth in our hearts spiritually, tired of the battle and the struggle and the pretense and the mask and the "I'm ok" when you know you're really not?
What do we DO when we can't find peace in any of it, when it seems like the issue is never going away...
when you feel like you can't find sure footing, even with God?
(yes, I just said that! And yes, its okay to be that honest. Sometimes, even as strong believers, even as Christians, we simply do not feel steady on God's foundation. It's okay to admit that out loud. Trust me, He can handle it! The good news is, just because we feel something doesn't make it true)
So what do we do to get out of that swampy mess of back and forth spiritually?
It only takes one thing.
Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God."
A broken and repentant heart, or in other translations, a broken and contrite heart.
When we're playing the dodging-reality game, or the blaming-others game, or the blaming-God game, or the steeped-in-pride-to-avoid-the-pain game, or any of those things we as humans do when we're struggling with our faith or with our life, we have to eventually get to the place we just stop. Confess our sin (because it's always there. If you're not able to be close to God, and you're a believer, odds are there's a reason there somewhere. Something sinful is very possibly blocking you), admit our failures, admit our fears (God CAN handle them!) and ask Him for help.
But it starts with that broken heart.
We can't come to God and expect complete healing and freedom when we have sin in the way, or when we're denying the truth of our feelings and thoughts. Get it out before Him, deal with it, do whatever it takes, and get back in there next to Him.
He hasn't left.
Here's to no more tidal wave surfing. :) Who's with me?