Messed Up

In May, 2012, a friend shared this postcard on Facebook and inspired a blog post that I decided to revisit and update to reflect my thoughts today.

If you keep a journal, you can relate to the fear of having someone read it and find out how messed up you are—what you honestly think and feel when you have the freedom to not hold back. When I originally wrote this post, my life was far more messed up than I wanted to let on, and my journal reflected it. Today, the journal I am keeping for a difficult-but-necessary process reveals that I still have some internal messes to clean up, but I guess I need to let that be okay for a while if I want to get rid of them for good. This means I must stop writing as if a kitten is hiding under my bed waiting to dive into my diary as soon as I leave the room and reveal my ugliness to the world.

Today, seeing this kitten's face again reminds me that there is Someone who knows the contents of my journals whether I am being completely honest on paper or not. He knows my thoughts before I scrawl them out. When I mask my feelings for others, or even for myself, I am not hiding a thing from Him. Unlike the idea of a family member or friend snooping a peek at my diary, the knowledge that God knows the contents of my heart brings deep comfort. He knows me to the core, yet what He sees does not keep Him from adoring me, so why not put it all out there?

What about you? Do you communicate your private thoughts, or even your prayers, as if someone is listening in and might use it against you? Today, join me in the challenge of being completely open and honest with the One who knows our messiness and loves us anyway.
 
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts . . .” Pslam 139:23 (NASB).