Deep and Wide

One of my favorite Sunday School songs growing up was "Deep and Wide."

Deep and wide, deep and wide. There's a fountain flowing deep and wide. I loved the hand motions, although at the time I don't think I truly understood what the song meant.

Lately, I've been discovering even more how deep and wide God's goodness is. The wide has been obvious to those peeking in on my life. God has opened the doors in numerous arenas for me. In the last month I've found myself speaking to teens about purity and to teen moms about praying for their future husbands. I've worked on different writing projects, all at different stages of the process. I've made new friends and have spent quality time with my family. And through it all, the wideness of God has covered every part. His joy and strength have filled me as I've worked and served. The reason?

The reason is because I'm discovering the deepness of God. How endless His love is. How all-consuming His truth. The more I discover about Him, the more I want to know. The more I sink into Him, the more I know I'm just scratching the surface.

I've also learned something else, and that is the important of "narrow." (I couldn't think of a narrow song!) To me, narrow is choosing the thin path--a path that's harder to walk than the broad, go-with-the-flow way. I walk the narrow way by disciplining myself, focusing on God, and not leaving the path. God is with me on the narrow way. His one step ahead, leading me.

No, this is not a lesson on geometry (I'm not a math girl), but rather about space. As I give every space in my heart to God I've discovered He takes me to new places . . . deep, wide and narrow. Each has challenges of its own, but the rewards are worth every step!

Photo credit: Image courtesy of kai4107 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When Life Doesn't Go as Planned

Nothing is going like planned.

Life wasn't supposed to be like this.

At age fifteen I planned on going to college to be a school teacher. I planned on living in the same small California town I grew up in. After having Cory, getting married, and having more kids, I planned on settling down in the (somewhat) larger California town that we lived in. John would get a good job. We'd buy a nice house. I'd homeschool and maybe write articles on the side. And maybe someday write a book. But nothing went as planned.

We felt God's stirring to move to Montana. We moved and God pointed me to stories that would be impossible to write in my own strength. The church He directed us to wasn't one I'd pick (at first). The friendships He orchestrated took me out of my comfort zone. And getting involved in started a pregnancy center...that wasn't in the plan at all.

At least we found a place to settle down for good. At least we had a nice house. Our house. We had our best friends close, a church we loved (after we realized we weren't there to be served but to serve), ministries we believed in and enjoyed, money to meet all our needs. The plan then was for our children to finish school, get married, live close and give us lots of grandkids I could spend time with. Then the plan changed. God made His plan known. You'd think I'd get used to my plans being changed. I wasn't.

MY plan for our lives in this new city 2,000 miles away was to replace all we left behind, yet once God moves you out of your comfort zone, finding an “easy fit” doesn't become an option any more. Even as I write this my heart aches. It knows what it wants, “Let's just make a plan. Let's buy a house and unpack our things. Let's get organized, set a schedule, and build a routine.” It's the plan I think about every day. It's the one I want most.

You'd think I'd learn by now not to focus too much on my plan. My plan is to make myself—my family—comfortable. God's plan has always been to move me closer to the people who need help and hope. Closer to the issues that break His heart.

If I think about it, deep down—from a young age—I've had another plan, too. To make a difference in his world. It seems that making a difference can only happen when I allow God's plans to be worked out in my feeble body...as I take unsure steps. It's then I look to God more, I depend on Him more. It reminds me of the verse I read this morning:

God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help, no matter how desperate the trouble. But cozy islands of escape He wipes right off the map. Nahum 1:7-8 The Message

It seems those cozy islands of escape have always been part of my plan. A nice house, a good family, friends and a church close by, work that's fun and impacting (but not too challenging). Teaching Sunday School to three-year-olds is the type of ministry that's right up my alley. I can do that with little effort and lots of rewards. But in the way God works, He's led me to people, situations and even book projects that don't come with an easy-to-follow curriculum guide. Instead of two pages of ideas and instructions, He's the One I have to look to for help, strength and advice.

What it all comes down to is God putting me—and my family—in places where we must look to Him for help. That's been His plan all along. That's the only good plan for sinners in need of grace and servant-children who desire to be transformed into the image of His Son.

And should I really complain? God's plan pulls me closer to the heart of the Creator of the universe who loves me completely and desires to give me a hope and a future. There can't be any plan better than that. There isn't any plan better. I just need to remind myself of that the next time my house, my work, and my life shout out, “We need to get a sense of order here!” Life will never be cozy, at peace, and organized when following Jesus is the most important thing. But the more I lean in, the more I discover that depending on Him is a good, good place to be.

Where I should be Today

Right now, I should be at the Amtrak station waiting for a train, to meet a friend and spend the night at her house before heading to a small writer's conference. Tomorrow I should be serving on the prayer team at that conference, greeting conferees, and handing out goodie bags. I should be waiting to hear one of my other friends and fellow writers speak. Instead, I am home. My plan for the day consists of writing this blog post, working on three writing/editing projects, doing laundry, and other ordinary everyday tasks. Why the change of plans, you might be wondering? Plan A sound so much more fun.

Last Friday, less than twenty-four hours after paying for my train reservation and getting other details set in stone, my plan for this weekend completely unraveled.

I won't bore you with all the details. Thankfully, the circumstances that forced me to cancel didn't involve an injury, death, or illness. It was simply one of those situations where one complication after another hit in an alarmingly short period of time and left me thinking, this clearly isn't meant to be.  

At first I was bummed. Okay, I'm still a little bummed. I wanted so badly to spend time with that friend picking me up at the train station, welcome people to the conference and pray for them, and hear my other friend speak. Though I knew the situation was beyond my control, I felt like a flake for canceling, even as my friend insisted, "Do not feel bad. God is saying no and you're obeying Him. I'm proud of you for doing that." But when I replay the events in my mind, and how quickly I went from definitely going to definitely not, I know that I am where I should be today, even if it isn't where I want to be.

As I sit here feeling like I'm missing out, I know that I prayed for God to make it abundantly clear whether or not I should go to the conference. In fact, I put off paying for my reservation until the eleventh hour just to be sure. And the next morning, he made His answer clear. But He also allowed the ticket to be completely refundable and everyone involved to respond with kindness and understanding.

I have no idea why He altered my plans. Maybe my family needs me more than my friends do, or maybe I was cramming too much into one summer (I do have some deadlines coming up). While all my expenses were covered except the train ticket, perhaps even spending money on that wasn't wise right now. Did someone else need to hand out those goodie bags and pray with people? It's possible that the reason is so not-about-me that I will never know. 

So I am determined to trust God on this one, keeping in mind that His goal is never to mess with my plans just for the sake of reminding me who is in charge. He knows where we need to be and when. Sure, it would be nice to have a "Now I see why I needed to be home today" moment, but if not, I'm making up my mind to be content where I am.

Can you relate to this story? Has God altered your plans this week? As hard and disappointing as it is (and it really is okay to admit to God that you're disappointed), try to be content. Ask Him to help you accept His Plan B, whether you find out the reason behind it or not.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" Proverbs 16:9.