Thursday, August 04, 2005

So much Pain...

I've been reading hundreds of stories about cutting lately and have been so overwhelmed with how much pain is present in each each poem. There are times I sit at my computer and simply cry, wishing I could do something, anything, to let every one of them know that they are not alone.

Because it is so easy to feel alone, isn't it?

Even when our struggles seem small in comparison to someone else's pain, it's easy to feel like no one else could possibly understand what we are going through. Plenty of people have lost a father just like I have. But there is a part of me that really does think that no one knows how much I really lost.

Except one person, that is.

I think that's the most amazing part of following Jesus for me personally - I am never alone. Even if I feel alone, and completely misunderstood (which frankly still happens when you're adult, too), I know that God sees everything and He "gets it". With Him there are no explainations necessary because He knows my heart fully and loves me still.

There's a song sung by Barlow Girl that always touches me.

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no.
I needed you today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
Said you'd be there
And though I haven't seen you
Are you still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel you by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see you
And I can't explain why
Such a deep reassurance
You've placed in my life.
We cannot separate
'Cause you're part of me.
And though you're invisible
I'll trust the unseen.

Even when I can't feel Him by my side, He is there. What a comfort that is to me! And may it comfort you, too, when you're feeling that loneliness creep in. He knows us fully and loves us still.

(I feel like I'm coming off as SO serious - which I'm not usually - it's all this sad stuff I've been reading lately - I promise I'll try to write something less somber when I come back:-)


Anonymous said...
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Samantha said...

Cutting is something that's overtaking a lot of youth today. (I can say that from the perspective of the youth that cuts- but tries not to). Even among Christian groups you're going to find kids who SI. That's a good song by Barlow Girl, one of my all time favorites by anyone, actually.

God bless,

Sarah Anne Sumpolec said...

Thanks for your comments Samantha- and yes, that's what I'm finding and hence my obsessive research on the subject. My husband is a therapist and most of the teenage girls he sees nowadays end up in his office for that very reason. Many churches just don't seem to know how to respond to the problem, either.

Thanks for your vulnerability, too. Blessings to you:-)

Anonymous said...

I have a hard time understanding how someone can do something like that to themselves. I guess I'm very blessed to feel that way. I know things can be hard at times but how does that really solve anything?

Sarah Anne Sumpolec said...

Hey Anonymous-

Thanks for your honesty in even asking the question! I'm very glad that you don't feel that way but as for the ones that do - each one would probably give you a bit of a different answer. You're right about the fact that it doesn't solve anything, but teens who cut can get hooked on the short-term "release" that it gives them. The reasons why they do it -there are so many. Some are angry with others, some angry with themselves, some are punishing themselves for failing at something, some don't know how to cope with the pain goes on and on. It's not really that much different than someone who turns to drugs or alcohol to drown the pain they're in.

When I encounter something that I don't understand, I ask God to help me have compassion. He's always faithful to give it to me. And it's okay to find a safe place to ask the questions you have. This is a safe place...and we're glad you stopped by.