This morning as I was drying my hair, I started thinking back on my life and realized that there was a common denominator. All my life, I have wanted to be famous. All of my ambitions and dreams as a child revolved around careers that brought fame. I wanted to be a singer or an actor. Looking back, I feel like there was something in me that drove me to want to be noticed.
The fame I desired could be on any level, big or small. In middle school and high school, I think that fame translated into popularity. I always hoped to be voted on the homecoming court, but it never happened. I wanted to be number one on the tennis team, but it never happened. I found no fame.
As I grew older, I decided that my avenue for fame would be accomplished through beauty pageants. I wanted to enter the local Junior Miss when I was in high school, but the year that I was to enter it got cancelled. That was the only year in it’s history that it was ever cancelled! That cancellation did not deter my ambitions though. I decided that I wanted to enter the Miss America pageant. Every Miss America winner became famous. I had talent which was what those girls needed to win. Year after year, something came up that deterred me from entering the pageant. To my disappointment, I never had the opportunity to enter the pageant. I found no fame.
I realized today at 28 years old that deep down I still want to be famous. It still drives me somewhat in what I do. I sometimes found myself on the look out for fame. If I have the opportunity to feel famous, I take it, but the hope of fame often leaves me disappointed because it is never satisfying. If I could stop trying to figure out how to be famous, maybe then I could be free to point fame in other directions. So, this morning, I asked God to show me how to make His name famous...not mine. Trying to make yourself famous is exhausting, and if I want to be exhausted from anything, I would like it to be from making God famous.
I don’t think that I am the only girl who desires to be famous on some level. What do you think?