I’m supposed to write a letter this week and don’t know where to start. It’s an assignment for the Beth Moore Bible study that I just started. The point of the letter is to tell Jesus what I want. Apparently I’m supposed to just lay it out there. No holding back. It can go on for pages if that’s what it takes.
“God, this is what I want. This is what I feel like I need.”
How do you start a letter like that? Obviously God know what I want and what I need. But how do I put it into words that don’t make me sound like a whiney baby?
The more I think about what I want the more selfish I feel, the more I fear asking for something that seems very important to me only to not receive, the more I wonder if getting what I want could possibly make things worse.
The longer I consider what I need the harder it sets in that I don’t know what I need right now. There is a lot of drama in my life at the moment. Maybe what I think I need is actually a want.
In some ways my mind is too crammed full of thoughts and concerns and disappointments to sort any of it out. Maybe I can start there, with “Jesus, I don’t know what I want. How can I recognize my wants and needs when my brain is ready to explode?” Maybe that will get things flowing.
As impossible as this assignments seems today I’m glad that I have it. It’s a great reminder that I have a Heavenly Father who wants me to talk to Him, to be honest, to lay it out there even if He already knows. So I’ll just trust that the words will come and that it just might turn into a great record of how He eventually answered.
At least I’m not being graded on this.