Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

I want to write about a tough subject. Abuse. This happened to someone very close to me. It stirred me to write a novel. I'm praying daily that my agent will find the right publisher.

Abuse can be a sneaky thing to spot, sort of like it comes dressed in camo. It's really hard to see when you're in a relationship and you think you love someone. But abuse has nothing to do with love.

I found a good Web site for teens dealing with abuse.
This site has some great information. "If you think you love someone, but often feel afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship. Fast. You're worth being treated with respect and you can get help."

It gives a list of signs of abuse:
"Harms you physically in any way--including slapping,pushing,pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking,kicking, punching.
Tries to control different aspects of your life such as--how you dress, who you hang out with, what you say.
Frequently humiliates you or makes you feel unworthy.
Coerces or threatens to hurt you or self-harm if you leave the relationship.
Twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions.
Demands to know where you are all the time.
Constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends.

When someone says something like, "If you loved me you would..." That's also a warning of possible abuse. A statement like this is controlling and is used by people who are only concerned about getting what they want. Trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't."

The information below is from this site.

"Do you:
Feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
Feel you can't do anything right for your partner?
Believe you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
Wonder if you're the one who is crazy?
Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Does your partner :
Humiliate or yell at you?
Criticize you and put you down?
Treat you so badly that you're embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
Blame you for his own abusive behavior?
See you as property or sex object rather than as a person?

The aim of emotional or psychological abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence."

What to do if you think you might be in an abusive relationship...
Google crisis centers, teen help lines, abuse hot lines. Contact a church, your doctor, a health care professional, a school nurse or counselor, a teacher.

If you're beginning to wonder if you're in an abusive relationship, you probably are. You probably didn't read this blog for no reason. There's a lot more information on these two sites.

Get help.



Anonymous said...

Thank you for the post. It is a necessary thing to talk about. Abuse is more than just physical, mentally, emotionally and spiritually can be just as damaging.

Lisa Buffaloe said...

Very helpful blog, Julie. Abuse takes on many forms, and so often the abuser works on convincing the abused they are at fault. Excellent job posting the warning signs!

Julie Garmon said...

Just found these comments. Thank you both. Yep, it's necessary Destrella. Agree totally, Lisa.

God bless and much love,