I lay on the floor, hot tears rolling down my cheeks. I can’t do this anymore, God. I can’t keep going.
Alone.
Four years. I thought this would be over by now. I thought that one day, after all the prayers my friends and I could muster, I would wake up whole.
That day didn’t come.
My friends were tired of waiting. One by one they stopped calling; stopped visiting; stopped remembering.
God, if you’re there – give me one reason to stay here. One reason to keep breathing.
I stared at the wall – not expecting an answer. Then I saw it.
Perched on my bulletin board was a card from a church lady: He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
The sobs escaped from somewhere deep inside of me.
I don’t know where that secret place is, but God, I want to be there.
Something changed in that moment. I wish I could say that magically my friends started calling, or that my body was miraculously healed.
But the change was deeper. For the first time I could see Jesus, carrying me like a wounded sheep – close to His heart. I could see His tears, His agony, His pain for me.
It was eight years before the Gentle Shepherd chose to heal my body.
There were still days I was angry, days I couldn’t feel His presence, days I wanted to end it all. But in those desperate moments I reached out for that secret place. I asked Him to meet me there.
I don’t know what you’re going through today, but I want you to know you have a Gentle Shepherd. And I want you to know that He longs to hold you close to His heart. He wants you to never be alone.
Would you ask Him to do that for you today?
Prayer:
Lord, I need You today. I need you to be my Gentle Shepherd.
I need to be in your secret place, safe from everything that’s surrounding me. Would You show me how to find you there? In Jesus' name, Amen.
GO DEEPER:
Ponder:
Jeremiah 29:13, When you come looking for me, you'll find me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. (MSG)
Apply:
Get alone with God today. Wait for Him to meet You. He promises He will.
Share:
What difficulty can Jesus meet you in today?
[This post is re-shared from Rad Revolution.]
B.J. Hamrick wants to walk with the realization that every breath, every heartbeat is a gift from God. She spends most of her time at Real Teen Faith, a safe place where faith-filled and seeking teens talk about God, current events, books, music, culture, devos, lyrics and poetry, and missions.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
12 comments:
Thank you for posting this. My best friend is moving across the country in a matter of weeks and it still doesn't seem real. I've been struggling with the fact that I'm going to be going through the last year of high school...alone. I kept on thinking that I couldn't do Senior Year without her.
But, really I 'm not alone and I CAN do Senior Year without her. All I need is Jesus.
I'm going to meet Jesus today. Thankyou.
wow does this bring back our days of writing those prison epistles remember thanks Bekah needed to read your writings today
Beautiful. So glad you shared this. God Bless.
Tay, thanks For sharing. Keep me posted on everything, OK? That is a tough one!
Emii, thank YOU.
Cindy, sure does! Hope you are doing okay.
Thanks for sharing. Last week my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It didn't really sink in until a couple nights ago and when it did, I just layed in my floor and cried. "What am I gonna do, God? Why do I feel so helpless? Where are you when I need you? Please, somehow, show me you're here!" I yelled out at God. I think this post was His way of showing me that he IS here, and He's holding me close even when I don't see Him. Thanks again. :)
Yes, Anonymous - He is right there with you - Lord help Anonymous to feel your arms around her. Comfort her, bring her peace and help her to know that Your good plans for her have not changed by this news. And Lord, we do ask for healing for her father. We pray that You will give the doctors great wisdom as they make decisions and bring healing to His body.
We will be praying for you ~Sarah~
I just read that, and I just found out that I have really bad leukemia, as well as a rare disease that makes me never want to eat. I have basically pushed everyone out of my life and I have thought a lot about suicide. My grades in school have gone from all A's to all C's and D's. Everyone has asked what's wrong, but then I run to the bathroom, and cry. I didn't know what to do, but I think that helped.
Anonymous, thanks for sharing from your heart. I'm so sorry about your dad's situation. Praying for speedy healing and grace for this time!
Sarah, I tried to click over to your account but it looks like there isn't one. Thanks for commenting... I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm here any time you want to talk, OK? You can reach me at write[brained]at[gmail]dot[com]. Keep reaching out and know that a lot of people care about you.
BJ and Ethan,
thanks a lot for the note. I just found out that I have 8-10 months to live, and I'm only in 7th grade!!! Everyday I wonder why God is doing this to me. I just don't know what to do sometimes.
Hey Sarah,
I just saw your message... please know that I'm here and want to care through all the emotions you must be feeling. E-mail me any time you want to talk, ok?
BJ
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