Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Breaking Up

He gave me a chicken. Okay, so it wasn't a whole fryer or alive and clucking or anything like that. It was a stuffed chicken. It was a stuffed chicken and it laughed. Loudly. There's nothing wrong with a chicken, per se. But I'm more of a bunny kind of girl myself. And so the chicken got added to the List of Reasons Why I Probably Shouldn't Be Dating This Guy.

We'd been dating for a few months. And he was a nice enough guy in the beginning, but I really just wasn't feeling a heart connection. Add that to a few heated discussions here and some big things I just didn't agree with there, and every time I saw this guy I felt sick to my stomach. I kept telling myself that I just needed to give the guy a chance. Time would heal all wounds, or something like that. Besides...he really, really liked me. He even said he loved me.

Wasn't it my duty to stay with him? It was obvious to everyone around us that I was his world. I was willing to stay with him just because I didn't want to destroy his life by breaking up with him. It must have been love, right?

Um. Wrong.

Julie's post about whether or not he's dating material really wrapped its fingers around my heart. Because I've been there dating the kind of guy who wasn't dating material! And you know what? I stayed in that relationship for a long time when I shouldn't have. I don't want you to make the same mistake.

So what do you do when you're dating a guy who isn't dating material, anyways?

Break up with him.

I know, I know, it sounds so insanely easy when it's just out there on paper (or screen, as it were). But if you're anything like me, you're really worried about how much it's going to hurt his feelings. Here's a secret: he's in charge of his own feelings. How he handles your break up is up to him.

Or maybe you don't know how you'll survive without him. Five words: Support system and ice cream. :-)

Breaking up is tough. But sometimes it just needs to happen. Go down the list Julie wrote and see how many of those things you check off. (Hint: if you check off any of those things, it's time to rethink the relationship.) If you still aren't sure whether or not this guy is right for you, start praying hardcore about it. God will answer you. Just be prepared to do what He lays on your heart. Pull some people you trust into the conversation and ask them for help, too.

Seven years ago when I was in the wrong relationship, I wish someone had told me just to break up with the guy! Yes, it hurt for a season. But everything worked out after all and I'm living a much healthier lifestyle now, living the way God intended, not roped into a relationship that was all wrong. I have to admit, it's a little weird for me to post something that's a little more personal like this--but when Julie posted last week and this was already on my heart, I felt like I couldn't hide it under a rock this time. :-) If you need someone to talk to and your heart is hurting, go ahead and shoot me an email! I'm all ears.

Love always.


Tay said...

I just want to let you know that I have been reading thid blog for a few weeks now and I am really enjoying it.

I am going through a somewhat stressful time in my life right now this blog really brings a smile to my face. Reading this blog is really a highlight of my day.

Thank you guys for making my day with every post you write and being an encouragement to me!

Anonymous said...

Wow, this is totally how I felt not long ago! Wow, I'm glad I made the right decisions!

Julie Garmon said...

I love this, Ashley! So glad you get what I'm talking about. I really felt that still small voice inside telling me that I should blog about this. :-)