Thursday, April 05, 2012

Let's Be Honest

I was having a great time at the writer’s conference, learning and reconnecting with friends that I only see once a year. God had given me some much-needed direction and I’d received great feedback on a story. So why did I suddenly feel like I would burst into tears any minute?

The truth? Every time I turned around one of my friends had exciting news that far surpassed mine. Life had forced me to set aside writing projects that weren’t bringing in an income and I could no longer deny that I resented it. I felt stuck and had no idea how to get unstuck. The event that sent my fun projects to the back burner had also rattled my confidence and I was in an environment where connections required a lot of that. The fact that I was tired and let the floodgates open by sharing a prayer request that morning only compounded my private emotional storm. The last straw came when my roommate shared some wonderful news of her own as we were walking back to our room. As soon as I got inside I felt the tears burning my eyes and throat.

“Okay, I just need to confess,” I managed to get out. “I am incredibly frustrated right now.”

“Why?” The gentleness in her voice melted the last bit of reserve that repressed my tears.

I spilled out everything, feeling like such a whiney baby. Why couldn’t I be happy for my friends and content with what God had already done for me?

Instead of making less of my feelings, this sweet friend shared them. “You’re right, Jeanette, it isn’t fair. It’s time for it to be your turn.” Instead of stopping there, she helped me come up with a plan. She not only encouraged me to take a fun project off the back burner, but promised to bug me like crazy until I finished it. The longer we talked, the more I felt my frustrations drive me to action. And it all started with being honest with a safe friend and with myself. In the process, I allowed myself to be honest with God.

That night at dinner, God opened a door for me to bounce an idea off a magazine editor. She like it! Other answers came in the next twenty-four hours. As I celebrated them, I recognized God’s hand in how all of this played out. I am convinced that He wanted me to hit the wall of frustration that trigged a flood of honesty. The blessings came after I cried out to Him what He already knew: “God, I’m tired of being stuck.”

When have you seen the benefits of being honest, both with yourself and with the One who knows you best? What do you need to be honest with Him about today?


Camy Tang said...

Jeanette, I think we ALL suffer from envy and frustration. It's funny because I was just confessing my envy to a good friend of mine a few days ago. :) I felt a lot better after confessing it and I think that even though I will still probably struggle with it, in being honest with God I know He'll help me so that I can handle it in a way that He wants me to handle it. I am totally with you on your blog post today!

Jeanette Hanscome said...

Thanks, Camy! It's so comforting to know I'm not alone :).