Let's Be Honest

I was having a great time at the writer’s conference, learning and reconnecting with friends that I only see once a year. God had given me some much-needed direction and I’d received great feedback on a story. So why did I suddenly feel like I would burst into tears any minute?

The truth? Every time I turned around one of my friends had exciting news that far surpassed mine. Life had forced me to set aside writing projects that weren’t bringing in an income and I could no longer deny that I resented it. I felt stuck and had no idea how to get unstuck. The event that sent my fun projects to the back burner had also rattled my confidence and I was in an environment where connections required a lot of that. The fact that I was tired and let the floodgates open by sharing a prayer request that morning only compounded my private emotional storm. The last straw came when my roommate shared some wonderful news of her own as we were walking back to our room. As soon as I got inside I felt the tears burning my eyes and throat.

“Okay, I just need to confess,” I managed to get out. “I am incredibly frustrated right now.”

“Why?” The gentleness in her voice melted the last bit of reserve that repressed my tears.

I spilled out everything, feeling like such a whiney baby. Why couldn’t I be happy for my friends and content with what God had already done for me?

Instead of making less of my feelings, this sweet friend shared them. “You’re right, Jeanette, it isn’t fair. It’s time for it to be your turn.” Instead of stopping there, she helped me come up with a plan. She not only encouraged me to take a fun project off the back burner, but promised to bug me like crazy until I finished it. The longer we talked, the more I felt my frustrations drive me to action. And it all started with being honest with a safe friend and with myself. In the process, I allowed myself to be honest with God.

That night at dinner, God opened a door for me to bounce an idea off a magazine editor. She like it! Other answers came in the next twenty-four hours. As I celebrated them, I recognized God’s hand in how all of this played out. I am convinced that He wanted me to hit the wall of frustration that trigged a flood of honesty. The blessings came after I cried out to Him what He already knew: “God, I’m tired of being stuck.”

When have you seen the benefits of being honest, both with yourself and with the One who knows you best? What do you need to be honest with Him about today?

Messy Closet, Messy Heart

Some things I'm not too picky about. My closet, as you can see. My drawers. My pantry. So, I got to thinking. I'm so used to these areas of clutter, I don't even notice them anymore. I scrounge through my stuff until I find what I need and go on about my business.

Just for fun, I had a friend who's good at organizing take a peek into my pantry. "What do you think? How bad is it?" She's a good friend, so I wasn't too embarrassed.

"Hmmm."

"Tell the truth."

"Well, you could start by putting like things together. You know, canned goods and whatnot."

Then I started thinking. Is my heart cluttered? Are there messy areas inside me that I've been ignoring for years? Things I've overlooked? Habits I should do away with? Thoughts that weigh me down? Have I gotten so used to being the way I am, that I've not noticed the junk?

I'd like to say nope, that I was spotless on the inside. But I wasn't.

I actually made a list. I've struggled with these same areas for years. I'm working hard at changing. Even if it means I have to clean up my thoughts daily.

1. Fear.
2. Perfectionism (you wouldn't think so with the looks of my closet).
3. Choosing to please people rather than God.
4. Not trusting God--thinking I know best.

I'm working on my cleaning my closet, drawers, and pantry--and my heart. Thank you for reading. Can anybody relate?

Love,
Julie