Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Paranoia






My mother raised me to be paranoid. Which is why I am probably still alive despite growing up in (name of town censored lest I receive hate mail for speaking the truth).

What mom did not foresee was the consequence of teaching her airhead daughter to lock the door every time I leave the house. Mom now has a daughter who cannot get back inside the house, even if someone was chasing me... because the keys are inside.

I have met every neighbor on my street because I am too ashamed to use the phone at the same house more than twice (in a week).

One neighbor felt sorry for me when I was expecting. "Oh, it's just pregnancy-brain," she said. Another (who smelled distinctly of marijuana) withdrew his offer of a funny looking rolled up piece of paper after he realized it wasn't just a tumor growing in my stomach (medical relief, he said).

I think I'm inadvertently teaching my daughter to be paranoid, too. We always lock our doors and never talk to strangers... unless they have telephones or can remind us which rock our spare key is under.

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Q4U: What funny or helpful habits has your mom taught you?

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Bekah Hamrick Martin is a local writer who can be reached at writebrained@gmail.com, unless she's accepting a ride from the neighbors.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

We always lock our doors too:) my mom has taught me to be neat and clean! Now I can't stand messiness! She has taught me to eat whole wheat like all the time and how to eat leftovers regularly:) I can't really think of anything else, but I have plenty of time to learn more!

Bare Naked Blog w/Bekah said...

Sounds like a lot! Good to know we are all safe behind those locked doors ;)

Ashley Garcia said...

What a great post! :D One of the many things my mom has taught me is to NEVER take a shower when home alone. She considers it a safety precaution. The few times that I have showered while home alone, I always remember my mom's words of wisdom. Not because I'm afraid of slipping and getting hurt, but because when I need a new bar of soap or forget to bring my towel into the bathroom, no one is around to help me! :| I guess it's true, momma always knows best! :)

Bare Naked Blog w/Bekah said...

Ashley, too funny! I'm always scared to shower when home alone because of my paranoia of break-ins, LOL.


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