What I Prayed for, but Not

“It looks like I found a roommate, and I think we also found an apartment.”

My son’s news was an answer to prayer. Since my youngest son and I moved and my oldest decided to stay behind where his job is, he has needed a new living situation. I have been extremely concerned that he would suddenly need to leave his temporary home and find himself with no place to go. He has been living alone, which clearly wasn’t healthy for him. The more time that ticked away without any leads on a roommate, the more I thought God might be giving me the true desire of my heart—that he would decide he was tired of being so far away from his mom and little brother and join us where we are, near his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Instead, he found a roommate at the eleventh hour. And an apartment. And he was clearly excited about it. 

“That’s great.”

We chatted about the furniture that was available for him if he wanted it, moving dates, and financial details, and the whole time my heart cried out, “God, this isn’t what I wanted. I thought you would send him here.”

But somehow I knew this was His answer, at least for now. At my son’s age I was already married. Most of his friends now live away from home. Joining us would mean leaving a job he loves and all his friends. Maybe he will get lonely for his family later, but for now I need to support his decision and be happy for him, which I am. At least he won’t be living alone under a ticking clock anymore. I have been praying that God would work in his life in a big way and so have many others, so living with friends must be part of that. Who knows what plan God has in mind?

When I chose to move in November, I know my friends wanted me to stay, but they supported my need to be close to family, helped me pack, gave me a going away party, and smothered me with hugs until my youngest and I pulled out of town. Now it’s my turn to do the same, because that’s what we do when we truly want God’s best for those we care about. As painful as it is, sometimes we need to recognize that we are getting what we prayed for even if it doesn’t look that way.

When have you prayed hard for someone only to be forced to let go of them? When have you seen a supposed “wrong” answer to prayer become the right one?  

 

Thank You Ashley Mays!

In April, Ashley Mays blogged "I Like Me." It really hit home. I sent it to a friend and said, "Does this touch your heart?" She said, "Oh, yeah. Big time."

I couldn't forget Ashley's words. I knew the Lord wanted to do some work in my heart, so I gave Him permission. What is it? I prayed. Why does this post get to me?

Even though I'm 50, (51 tomorrow) there were a few things about myself I didn't like. God brought back a couple of not-so-nice comments that were said to me years ago--things I thought I'd forgotten. But it seems they must have buried down deep in my heart and taken root.

I asked Him to remove the yucky feelings from so long ago. And He did!

In May, I spoke at a Mothers' Day Garden Tea, which explains my hat and overalls. With Ashley's permission, I opened by sharing her blog (and gave her Web site). So many women/ladies/teens identified! I could see it in their expressions.

If there's anything lingering from your past--trying to hold you back, tell you you're not good enough, that God can't possibly love you, I'd be glad to pray for you. There's another way to live!

Thank you, Ashley for your post. Your words are changing lives.


Love,
Julie

Questioning the Answer

Today I saw God starting to answer a prayer. A big one, for a situation that I've been going to Him with daily. It's so huge that I've asked friends to pray, added it to prayer loops, and bring it up weekly at church. I've known for a long time that it would take a miracle to turn this problem around, most likely a series of miracles. Yesterday I saw the first signs that God was working. This morning I saw more evidence. And this evening, as I shared this breakthrough with a friend, I admitted the honest response of my heart: I'm not sure I believe it.

What is my problem? Why I do restrain myself whenever I start to praise God and share the praise with others? The truth? I'm afraid that it might be too good to be true. I'm afraid of being disappointed again. I'm afraid to believe that God would do the seemingly impossible, only to have the rug pulled out from under me. Not that I think He would do something wonderful only to take it back. But what if I'm only imagining that things are turning around? What if it's only a step in a different, even worse direction? What if what I saw as an answer is only wishful thinking? So that is where my mind has been going ever since I saw my prayer in the beginning stages of being answered. I'm praising but doubtful; grateful but suspicious; joyful but afraid to get my hopes up. And I feel terrible about it. God answered a prayer, and I'm afraid to celebrate.

So tonight I am praying that God will change my heart--to help me trust Him to love me enough to actually answer a prayer that I thought I'd have to wait a lot longer for. I'm also asking Him to help me remember that since this situation will require a process, the changes I've seen already are miracles in themselves. Who am I to say that He isn't willing to do something great for me?

Am I alone here? Am I the only one who has gotten what she wanted and immediately assumed that God would cancel the deal?

God, silence the voices that tell me your gifts are too good to be true. Help me to trust, not only your ability to do the impossible for me, but your desire to do it.