These are my sons Christian (16) and Nathan (5). Let me share a little secret about them. They are both nice guys. For some reason they feel the need to be secretive about that fact. It must be a guy thing. Here is one example.
I picked Nathan up from kindergarten and he immediately requested a play date with his friend Isaiah, begging me to talk to Isaiah’s mom right away. She wasn’t around to ask so I promised him that we’d set up a time another day. He dragged his feet the whole way home. I finally asked what was going on. He told this story.
“At recess Isaiah was sitting at the table with his head down and I asked, ‘what’s wrong?’ Isaiah said, ‘Nobody wants to come to my house.’ I said, ‘I’ll come to your house.’ And he was happy. So we really need to do a play date, Mom.”
He brought it up several times that day. At one point I said, “Nathan, I am so proud of you for trying to make Isaiah feel better.”
Suddenly Nathan started looked around as if I were revealing what color underwear he had on.
“You are such a . . . “
He put her finger over his lips. “Shh. Don’t say it.”
“I was just going to say you’re a nice guy.”
He shook his head and looked like he might burst into tears. “Don’t tell Christian.”
“Why?”
“”Cause he can’t know.”
“What? That you’re a nice guy?”
“Uh Huh.”
I knelt down and motioned for Nathan to move in close. “Let me tell you a secret. Christian is a nice guy too.” I proceeded to share a story about a time when Christian’s ROTC class had to run the mile and one guy was struggling, so Christian stayed back with him and encouraged him to keep going.
“Believe me.” I patted Nathan on the back. “Being a nice guy is something to be proud of.”
Still, I assured Nathan that Christian would never know about his kindness to Isaiah (as if he couldn’t overhear. We have a small house).
I’ll confess that there are times when I look at Christian and think; I wish I’d had a boyfriend like him as a teenage. I was one of those girls who would date anyone who asked her out. Consequently, I didn’t always have the best guy/girl experiences. If I could do those years over again, I would raise my standards and hold out for nice guys.
As you get back into the routine of school, activities, dances, and nights out with friends, you might encounter guys who aren’t so nice—those who say inappropriate things, don’t respect your faith, don’t like your friends, or think it’s funny to put people down. Maybe one of these not-so-nice guys will charm his way into asking you out. Remember that you are worth more. You are worth respecting and treating well. No matter how you feel about yourself, no matter how badly you want to feel liked or want to be able to say, “I have a boyfriend” you don’t need to settle. My boys—as well as many of Christian’s teenage friends—can stand as reminders that nice guys are out there, so why not hold out for one of them?
Ask God to deepen your security in Him and your sense of worth as you wait for the one that He has for you.
I picked Nathan up from kindergarten and he immediately requested a play date with his friend Isaiah, begging me to talk to Isaiah’s mom right away. She wasn’t around to ask so I promised him that we’d set up a time another day. He dragged his feet the whole way home. I finally asked what was going on. He told this story.
“At recess Isaiah was sitting at the table with his head down and I asked, ‘what’s wrong?’ Isaiah said, ‘Nobody wants to come to my house.’ I said, ‘I’ll come to your house.’ And he was happy. So we really need to do a play date, Mom.”
He brought it up several times that day. At one point I said, “Nathan, I am so proud of you for trying to make Isaiah feel better.”
Suddenly Nathan started looked around as if I were revealing what color underwear he had on.
“You are such a . . . “
He put her finger over his lips. “Shh. Don’t say it.”
“I was just going to say you’re a nice guy.”
He shook his head and looked like he might burst into tears. “Don’t tell Christian.”
“Why?”
“”Cause he can’t know.”
“What? That you’re a nice guy?”
“Uh Huh.”
I knelt down and motioned for Nathan to move in close. “Let me tell you a secret. Christian is a nice guy too.” I proceeded to share a story about a time when Christian’s ROTC class had to run the mile and one guy was struggling, so Christian stayed back with him and encouraged him to keep going.
“Believe me.” I patted Nathan on the back. “Being a nice guy is something to be proud of.”
Still, I assured Nathan that Christian would never know about his kindness to Isaiah (as if he couldn’t overhear. We have a small house).
I’ll confess that there are times when I look at Christian and think; I wish I’d had a boyfriend like him as a teenage. I was one of those girls who would date anyone who asked her out. Consequently, I didn’t always have the best guy/girl experiences. If I could do those years over again, I would raise my standards and hold out for nice guys.
As you get back into the routine of school, activities, dances, and nights out with friends, you might encounter guys who aren’t so nice—those who say inappropriate things, don’t respect your faith, don’t like your friends, or think it’s funny to put people down. Maybe one of these not-so-nice guys will charm his way into asking you out. Remember that you are worth more. You are worth respecting and treating well. No matter how you feel about yourself, no matter how badly you want to feel liked or want to be able to say, “I have a boyfriend” you don’t need to settle. My boys—as well as many of Christian’s teenage friends—can stand as reminders that nice guys are out there, so why not hold out for one of them?
Ask God to deepen your security in Him and your sense of worth as you wait for the one that He has for you.
1 comment:
You should be so proud of the boys/gentlemen you've raised. As a teacher, I see a lot of parents focused on their kids being in AP, getting into a particular college, buying a certain kind of car...but less and less emphasis on just making sure their kids are exceptional human beings on the inside. You must be an awesome parent--they've seen that kind,generous behavior somewhere!
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