Monday, December 28, 2009

A Carousel Ride

I feel like I should start each post with specifying that I’m Stephanie Morrill, but I don’t want to steal Camy’s adorable “Camy here!” I’ll have to work on a tagline of my own. Anyway. Pressing on.

For the last six months, every time I’ve taken my toddler, McKenna, to the mall, she’s asked to go visit the “horses.” (Known to others as the carousel.) We would always stand at the railing and watch the other kids on there, and McKenna would ask to touch the horses. I kept saying, “No, we can’t touch the horses today. Time to tell them bye-bye.” And she’d very sweetly wave and say, “Bye horses!”

When she turned two about a week ago, my husband and I thought the perfect birthday activity would be taking her to the mall to ride the carousel. I waited until after her nap to tell her what we were going to do that night, and she was SO excited. As soon as my husband walked in the door from work, she ran to him and yelled, “Horses!”

So it caught us completely off-guard when we paid for admission onto the carousel, settled her onto the horse she’d selected, and McKenna started whimpering and asking to get down. She looked completely stricken, as if she’d rather be anywhere but sitting on that horse.

As I watched the panic filling her face, it occurred to me that it really wasn’t so surprising. In fact, it’s something I’ve experienced before. Like when I opted to go to a private, all girls high school where I knew nobody. I anxiously awaited for the summer to be over so I could start the exciting new chapter in my life, but when I walked in the first day of school, I wanted to throw up.

Or how I spent years waiting for my first book, Me, Just Different, to be released. And before it was even on shelves, a so-so review hit my inbox, and I was flooded with the sensation that I was way out of my league, that I couldn’t do this. And six months later, as Out with the In Crowd is being shipped to bookstores, I’m experiencing these doubts all over again.

Watching as McKenna grew more and more afraid of this activity she’d longed to do, my husband and I fought to distract her. (Look at those lights McKenna! Can you pet the horse? Do you see yourself in that mirror?) And slowly McKenna relaxed. By the end of the two minute ride, she even looked like she might be enjoying herself. Though she did not ask to do it again.

It reminded me that in times of panic, fear, and unfamiliarity, I have a Heavenly Father to lean on. He can see the situation in full and already knows how it’ll work out for my good, same as my husband and I knew the carousel ride would be fun for McKenna if we could just get her to relax. He has the ability to comfort and guide me, if only I’ll trust Him as completely as McKenna trusts us. And he’s infinitely more trustworthy than we are.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Stephanie Morrill


Emii said...

That's so true. It's like that quote that just popped into my head, from the movie "A Cinderalla Story", with Hilary Duff. Well, they didn't make up the quote, obviously, but that's where I know it from...well, I should get on with it, hehe :P

"Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."

I just looked up your book on Koorong, btw (An Autralian online store, in case you were wondering:)) and I'm going to ask my mum to order it for me -- it looks really good!:D

I hope you had a great

Stephanie said...

Aww, thanks, Emii! I hope you enjoy it!

That was my favorite quote from that movie too! I can't remember where it's originally from, but it's a wonderful thing to keep in mind.

Elizabeth J. said...

Hi! I just noticed the comment you left on my blog. This blog looks great and I'll certainly add you to my blogroll as well as check back by here!

Sarah Anne Sumpolec said...

Thanks Elizabeth! And I'm glad you found a new book possibility Emii!

Julie Garmon said...

Beautiful post.