How Did I Do?

The audition was a blur.

“Very nice,” one of the judges said.

“That was wonderful,” a young woman who’d been listen in whispered as the next singer prepared to try out.

But was it?

After nudges from my husband, a couple from church, and several people who’d heard me sing the National Anthem at Little League Opening Day last year, I’d answered an open call to sing it for our local minor league baseball team.

Your audition has been scheduled for 1:30 PM, the e-mail said.

My ride dropped me off twenty minutes early. I didn’t mind at all. I figured it would give me time to relax and pray. I listened to two women try out, both of whom were great.

Fifteen more minutes.

“Are you here to audition?”

Were they talking to me?

“Oh, I’m scheduled for one-thirty. I’m a little early.”

“That’s okay. You can go now.”

I knew it would sound professional to say I wasn’t ready. “Okay,” I said.

Feeling my body (including my throat) tense up, I walked to the center of the room and picked up the microphone. I started to singing, knowing that I didn’t sound nearly as strong as the powerhouse that tried out before me. But I focused on doing my best with the voice that I had.

Next thing I knew, I was calling my ride to say I was finished already, those compliments ringing in my mind. Were they just being polite?

“How did your audition go?” A friend asked later.

“Okay, I guess.” I told her what happened.

I’d made up my mind to leave how well I did (or didn’t) up to the judges. It had happened too quickly for me to know. And maybe that’s better. I do know one thing: I don’t find myself obsessing about every possible mistake or weak note. I don’t feel like I’ll fall apart from disappointment and a sense of failure if I don’t get that desired phone call. I recognize that I did my best under not-so-perfect circumstances. I know that if I don’t make it, it wasn’t meant to be and I can try again next year. That is a huge step for me!

So in that, I guess the audition went well. It wasn’t perfect, but I responded to imperfection better than I would have in the past?

When has a disappointment, or a time when you didn’t perform as well as you would have liked to, revealed an area of growth? Ask God to help you see every opportunity, including those that don’t turn out perfectly, as a chance to glorify Him in your response.

What Goes With Me into 2010

I just read a New Year’s newsletter, and in it was written, “This will not follow me into the New Year.”

That sentence popped for me, especially in thinking in terms of New Year’s resolutions. Instead of being in the new year and seeing some old kink in my life, a bad habit or sin I have to overcome, my “this” can be left behind. In a very intentional way, it no longer has to be a part of my thinking or life as I move into a new year.

I think of the Live Free series I wrote over the last few years, it’s basic call to live free. How crucial it is to consider what pulls us down and keeps us from living fully free as God intended. Added to that concept, a verse I grabbed a hold of in a new way during this year is John 10:10: "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (NIV).

Life. God calls us to live it abundantly. In Greek that word is not bios—a simple physical, biological existence—but zoe. God invites us to a full-on thrust toward a passionate life.

Live freely. Live fully.

Couched in God’s purposes for my life and trusting his work within me, these two simple statements have become my passion and a part of my mission statement in what I do in life and ministry.

So the other side of my prayer-filled determination to not allow “this” to follow me into the New year, is bringing what I know fosters freedom and fullness with me into the New Year.

I’m picturing standing at a doorway. One side is 2009 and the other is 2010. I can’t stay in 2009. God created me, you, all of us, to be forward moving, not only in time, but in growth. I must go through the door. When I do, I can close it behind me and step into the New Year. No going back. With God's strength and life pulsing through me because I walk in trust in him, I can leave behind the old and step into greater freedom and fullness.

So over the next few days, I’m making lists.

This will not follow me into the New Year.

This will follow me into the New Year.

What will be on your lists? Girl talk time! (Though as usual, guys are welcome to join in the conversation too!)

Jan

http://www.jankern.com/
http://choose2livefree.com/

Getting Over it

I’m writing from a big writer’s conference. It’s one of the highights of my year but can also be overwhelming. I hit a burnout point this evening. I knew it had come when I started talking to someone, thinking he was someone else and almost burst into tears when I discovered my mistake. It wouldn’t have been so bad if this weren’t someone I wanted to make a good impression on. Grrr!!!

Now that it’s over I see that I actually handled it better than I would have if I’d made the same mistake last year. Instead of escaping to my room and giving into the teary self-pity fest that I really felt I needed, I escaped to place that lifted me up. I hung out in place where I knew I might run into a friend. After talking to a couple of people about anything BUT what happened, I went back to my room and relaxed with my roommates. Okay, I did whine a little with them, but once I talked through my embarrassment and frustrations I got over it and the night ended on a positive note.

It’s always exciting to look at a tough moment in light of how I would have handled it in the past. It’s an opportunity to thank God for His work and for steps of growth.

What areas of growth have you seen in your life lately? Thank God for loving you enough to help you mature, even in the way you handle embarrassing moments.