Self-Injury - Compassion and Understanding

March 1st is Self-Injury Awareness Day, and I have to tell that I'm so hoping and praying that people are still stirred by the issue and wanting to be aware and help. The numbers of reported cases of self-injury have risen since I wrote about it through the true stories told in Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal--A Journey Out of Self-injury.

So let's take a moment to get self-injury back on our radar, continue to raise awareness, dispel the myths, and encourage sensitivity to the issue and to the individuals who struggle.

As a part of that, I'd like to share a post I wrote for my own site a couple years ago for teens helping teens, and yet it might offer some ideas for any who want to reach out to a friend who struggles:

Maybe you’re a friend to someone who self-injures. What do you do to help?

Does your friend know you know? Are you wondering how to approach her (or him)? Tell her you have seen the injuries, have noticed her sadness (or the signs and emotions that you have seen). Then ask if she wants to talk about it. If yes, listen and let her share what she’s able to. It may only be a sentence or two. If she’s not ready to talk, tell her you’re there to listen when she is ready. Sometimes just the awareness that someone else now knows and cares is a huge help.

Are you the only person your friend is turning to? That can become extremely difficult for you, if it isn’t already. Don’t do this alone. Self-injury is much deeper than a behavior or a coping mechanism. The emotion and pain and the stories behind the choice are much more complex than even she is able to handle. It would be a lot for you to try to carry for her.

Be honest and tell your friend that you can’t carry this alone and neither should she. Be a trustworthy friend in how you handle what she has shared with you in confidence, but at the same time know that it is helping both of you to get others involved.

Find a trusted and wise adult friend who you can talk to—preferably someone who knows about self-injury, who is able to help you bring God into the picture of healing, and who has good suggestions for balancing help and friendship with your own personal safety and emotional health.

Help your friend find others she can talk to who can help in the ways you can’t. If her family can be loving and supportive, offer to go with her to talk with a parent. Or help her set up a meeting with a pastor or community professional who has experience and compassion in helping those who struggle with self-injury.

Keep in mind that self-injury as a secret conceals more than the outer wounds and scars. The secrecy prevents the inner pain from being addressed and the person from moving toward healing. Connecting to a community that cares can be an essential part of moving out of the pain and toward hope. As her friend, your greatest contribution toward her healing could be helping her begin to make those connections.

Let's keep our hearts open to the conversations.

Jan
http://www.jankern.com/

A few other posts and articles that might be of interest:

Helping Someone Who is Struggling, Part 1
Helping Someone Who is Struggling, Part 2
Helping Someone Who is Struggling, Part 3
When Someone Who is Struggling Comes to You
Parents Responding to Self-Injury (Guest post on Mommy Life Blog)
Long Sleeves in Hot Weather (Article that appeared in September, 2009 Light & Life Magazine)

Being Available

Just completed and submitted an article to a magazine on self-injury—talking about the hidden hurts and the dilemma for those of us who want to help.

I think the first step is . . . be available.

Do you know someone who is self-injuring? Someone who has thought about it? If so, consider checking out my February 6th blog entry on my author site called self-injury—helping teens. (Once you’re there, scroll down just a bit.)

And if you have questions, comments, or experiences you want to share, something you’ve discovered—either as someone who has struggled or someone who has been an encourager—please feel free to leave a comment here or write me privately.

Available.

Jan

Self-Injury—Raising Awareness

Last week I read an article that said that 1 in 6 teens are involved in self-harming behavior. Anytime I read a statistic, on self-injury or anything to do with teens who are hurting and broken, I want to ask, “How many never give their voice to those numbers?”

An article from July, 2007 gave another perspective. 633 students from five high schools, average age 16, anonymously participated in a survey. 46% admitted they had been involved in some form of self-injury within the prior year. 60% of those described their self-injury as moderate to severe.

If those numbers are anywhere closer to representative, then the numbers are much higher than 1 in 6 teens.

March 1st is National Self-Injury Awareness Day. Do you know the signs that someone may be self-harming? Do you know how to begin to help? It’s okay if you don’t, and it's not something you should feel you have to do alone. Here are some ways to raise your awareness or help others do so:

Visit my site where I’m blogging about this topic, including how teens help teens. Also, click on “self-injury resources” in the side column for links and resource suggestions.

Consider reading Jackie’s true story in Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal—A Journey Out of Self-Injury. Not only will this book help you understand self-injury and how to help, it’s a book that can be given to any teen or young adult who may be struggling. It is written for them.

(Read an excerpt.)

I interviewed both guys and girls for that book. Suzy was one of those who shared her story. At one point she told me, “Though I had been cutting, really the main way I was self-harming was through my promiscuous lifestyle.” I told Suzy’s story in the second of the Live Free series. Hers is an amazing love story. Seduced by Sex, Saved by Love—A Journey Out of False Intimacy will release March 3rd (available to preorder).

Jackie, Suzy, and others have shared their stories. Their voices mattered. Remember, real stories are behind the statistics you read about. Some of those could belong to people you know. It could be yours.

There is help and there is hope for healing. Feel free to contact me through my website if you need more information.

(The LORD) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds . . . Great is our Lord and abundant in strength. His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:3,5 NAS

On my knees for you.

Jan

http://choose2livefree.com/
http://www.jankern.com/

Journeys

I’m excited! This month has been an amazing experience for me as my book, Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal—A Journey Out of Self-Injury officially released September 5th (a Live Free book, Standard Publishing). Wow, talk about journeys. I’m thanking God for taking me on this one with this series.

In this book, the first in this series written for teen and young adult guys and gals, I tell the true story of Jackie’s secret struggle with self-injury. I also tell the stories of others and how God is an essential part of the journey out of self-injury. You can read an excerpt at my author site. (Once there, click just under the picture in the sidebar.) The book is not only for those who might be hurting and struggling, but also for those who want to come alongside and help.

BOOK GIVEAWAY! Leave a comment to this post—maybe, if you want, tell me what new topics are on your mind that you’d like to hear about from the Girls, God and the Good Life bloggers. Then include your email addy (or email me so I know how to contact you). I’ll draw a name on October 5th.

And if you happen to live near the Sacramento area, you can meet Jackie (and me too) on Saturday, September 29th, from 9 to 10 a.m. at the Wayside Bookstore on Sunset Blvd. in Rocklin. (Or Friday night, the 28th, 6 to 7 p.m. at the Wayside store in Grass Valley.) I’d love to meet you, and I’m sure Jackie would too. We’ll just be hanging out and having an informal chat about the book and the topic of self-injury.

Speaking of topics, I’m deep, deep into writing the third of the series, which is about internet use . . . and abuse. You know, those moments when we cross some lines into totally losing track of our time online, like with a game, or chat, or MySpace. Or we get involved in stuff and we kinda get that sense that it just isn’t at all something we should be doing. Ever do that?

Well actually, I need some help with this third book of the series . . .

I’m looking for teen- to twenty-something girls who would like to answer questions via email about their Internet use. Don't worry, the questions aren't too probing, and you can choose the questions you want to answer. Also, for your privacy, I won’t use your real name in the book. Email me if you think you’d like to participate. I hope you do.

Back to work for me. Until next time . . .

Jan

http://www.choose2livefree.com/

“Hi, I’m Jan. I’m new here.”

Have you ever rehearsed what you were going to say as you were about to walk into a new situation? The awkwardness and the nerves can tend to dictate what actually ends up coming out of your mouth . . . and whether or not you’re going to cringe at the memory later.

Probably better to laugh.

But seriously, I am new here. I’m Jan Kern, and this is my first post on Girls, God and the Good Life. I’ll be posting on the 6th and 20th of each month, and I’m really looking forward to the dialog.

Just a little about myself . . .

I grew up in a fun neighborhood but not in a Christian home. Right at the end of sixth grade, my parents took me to our (rarely used) living room and told me they were getting a divorce. The reasons would later prove to be very painful for my mom, my sister, and me. By the end of that summer, the three of us moved from New Mexico to California where I discovered peer pressure and choices I never knew existed. I struggled. I made a ton of mistakes. Thankfully, while in high school, someone told me I could find answers and strength through a relationship with Christ. That's another story for another time, but I did begin to learn what it meant to trust God through all kinds of crazy situations.

By the time I was twenty, I was in ministry working with teens and I haven't stopped. I'm now married and have been living and working with my husband, Tom, at a ranch for at-risk youth for the last twenty-something years.

In my posts, you’ll probably hear about our two children—Danny (24), and Sarah (21). I love being a mom! Out of everything I’ve done in my life, that role has been a definite favorite.

Well, our kids are pretty busy now, so I have more time than ever to do some of the other things I love, including to write. I’ve been writing for a while, but I’m excited about my current project: the Live Free series (Standard Publishing). Each of the three nonfiction books in this series tackles a tough issue through a dramatic retelling of a teen's true story. Each also includes the honest perspectives of other teens and young adults. The first book, Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal, is set to release September 3. It tells Jackie’s story and her journey out of self-injury. I’m sure I’ll share more about Jackie in future posts. She has an amazing testimony of God’s work in her life.

OK, I'll be quiet now and let someone else talk. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Jan