Dreaming of Mr. Right

It’s easy to spot Mr. Right in the movies or in a good novel. He’s the one who shows up out of nowhere, casts a handsome smile, and sweeps little Miss Lonely off her feet. There are struggles to be sure. There may be moments when Mr. Right seems long gone, but if the movie/book is one of those happily-ever-after stories Him and Her will end up realizing their love and committing themselves to each other for life. Riding off in the sunset with Mr. Right is the correct ending for every good story.

Yet there is a time in all of our lives when we doubt there is a Mr. Right for us. Those dumb boys at school aren’t nearly as cute, or smart, or kind as the heroes on television, but sometimes that doesn’t seem to matter very much because we’re not necessarily Cinderella or even Snow White.

At night, as we lay in bed drifting off in sleep we may dream about our future, about our wedding day and our life, our career and our kids. But once we’re at school, or work, those thoughts seem like fading dreams. Our focus turns to reality—to today—and we forget to plan, or pray for, all those tomorrows that are hanging in the future with bright expectations.

We don’t think about Mr. Right at school. Or when we’re with our friends. We don’t consider our future wedding day and all the marriage days to follow. Instead we look around and see that all our friends are dating and we want to keep up. We watch the teen movies and desire some of that romance that we see on the big screen. We feel empty inside, incomplete, and we want loved. Need love. Sure our parents, and siblings, and maybe even friends from church or school love us, but it’s not the same. We want to experience those giddy feelings and that flutter of butterflies in our stomachs … you may feel that way, too.

So then comes the day when that guy that sits three seats in front of you in Chemistry asks you out you quickly agree. He’s just average looking, and he doesn’t go to church. He mostly hangs around his friends and plays video games or football on the front lawn after school. He’s not someone you can really imagine spending your life with, but he’s not that bad and he likes you. And you don’t want to miss the chance. After all you do want to go to the prom and you do want to experience a kiss. And so those hopes that you had when you were drifting off to sleep are forgotten. Mr. Right is just a fantasy and you live for the here and now. After all, there is no guarantee for a good future, right?

Then again, maybe there is something you can do. Maybe there is something you can do with your friends.

It’s a place to start. And it starts on your knees. Before you date. Before you give your heart PRAY. Pray for God to guide you. Pray for His will. Seek HIS peace.

And then, if you don’t have peace that this guy is God’s good, perfect will for you … at this time … for your heart.

Run. Run away from temptation. Run to God.

*Image c/o stock.xchng

How to Pray for Your Future Husband: Understanding

I started praying for my future husband when I was 17 years old and pregnant with my son. I wanted someone who could love both me and my child. I wanted someone who loved God. God brought me an amazing man. John and I have been married for 23 years now. We had two more biological children, and we've adopted three more . . . making that six kids total! God has done more than I'd ever hoped or imagined.

My friend Robin Gunn and I wrote Praying for Your Future Husband a few years ago. The fun part is getting photos from some of the young women who prayed—wedding photos!

Of course there are women who are still praying and waiting, and we've gotten letters from them, too. They tell us they are drawing closer to God as they wait . . . and that is exactly what we hoped for!

In the moment, though, it's hard to understand the wait. It may be hard for your future husband to understand, too.

Here are 6 ways to pray for understanding.

Pray for Understanding for Your Future Husband.

1. Pray God's Word will flood his heart.
2. Pray your future husband will seek God and try to understand what God is doing in His life.
3. Pray he has a tender heart that will be understanding of your past mistakes.
4. Pray you will be understanding of his.
5. Pray that if he has his heart broken, he will be surrounded by good friends who will support him during the healing process.
6. Pray that in each of his relationships, he will develop an understanding heart and will always believe God has a different and better plan.

When you pray, rather let your heart be without words than your words without heart. —John Bunyan

Kim Kardashian's 72-Day Marriage

It seems that everyone is surprised--yet no one is surprised really--by Kim Kardashian's 72-day marriage. There are many things I've wanted to say about that, but I didn't want to just add to the noise. When talking with a friend yesterday, I finally narrowed it down to what I wanted to add to the conversation.

My friend, you see, has a family member who just got married in the last year. "She's the most stable she's ever been yet she's facing depression. I don't understand it."

We've heard the term "honeymoon phase" to talk about the first year of marriage, but I've known few people who feel this time is an extended honeymoon period filled with joy and ease. Instead this first year is one of the toughest. We have the man of our dreams, everything should be perfect ... right?! It's usually far from perfect.

But why the depression? Why the questions? Why the urge to throw in the towel after 72 days? I have a few ideas.

1. Living with another person is hard. When two self-centered people (as we all are) try to merge their lives they're sure to butt heads. It's easier to think of our ease and our needs than to consider another person first. It takes time and practice to learn to compromise and work together for our mutual benefit and long-term solutions.

2. We feel a let down after the excitement of the courtship and the engagement and the wedding. It's over?! Now what? I was talking to my 19-year-old daughter about this yesterday. "It's sort of a let-down," I told her. "You're excited about who you're dating. You're excited about being engaged. You're looking forward to the wedding and then a few weeks later you wake up and it's all done. Now you're just looking at this guy who leaves his dishes in the sink and his dirty socks on the floor--who'd rather watch TV than go for a romantic walk like you used to do. And you wonder, is this all that's left?"

Leslie had a wise observation. "It sounds sort of like the slight depression after Christmas. The wedding was fun, but now it's over."

The Christmas analogy is a good one. I've felt that low-spot after Christmas Day. The long distance family members are long distance again. The gifts aren't as much fun as you expected them to be. And then there's the mess to clean up and the 7 pounds to lose. Of course, we do know that Christmas will come again next year, and we do look forward to that. With marriage there's not another wedding to look forward to, just days and days and days of self-sacrifice, patience and putting another's needs before your own.

So what's a person to do?

1. If you know a newlywed, be sure to ask the hard questions. "How are you really doing? What do you like most about marriage? What disappoints you?" Then offer a listening ear and an understanding heart.

2. Let young couples know that you faced the same problems ... and overcame them. Young couples often see loving, committed, happy couples that have been married a while and wonder what they're doing wrong. My own daughter was surprised to hear about some of the struggles John and I had in our first years of marriage. She assumed that the way we treat each other now is how we treated each other 21 years ago. WRONG.

3. Encourage couples to create their own "Christmas mornings." Romance doesn't have to end at the wedding altar. Spend time planning and dreaming together. Schedule special times you can anticipate and celebrate together. We all want things to look forward to and it's not just the vacations, date nights, or play dates that bring us close. It's the time talking about what's coming--and the reliving our favorite moments--that reminds us that our lives together aren't just about a BIG DAY, but also about the many happy days to come!

Don't Give Up Waiting for "That Guy" . . . Because He's Waiting for "That Girl"

Young women, do you wonder if the guy of your dreams is out there? Do you think that even if you find him there are too many bad choices that he'll look away, walk away?

In God's Word we read, "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need" Matthew 6:33 (NLT).

As you wait, seek God. Give your heart to Him, and He will help prepare it for your future husband!

I talk about how God brought me the man of my dreams as a single mom of a son in my book Praying for Your Future Husband. You can find out more about it here.

God has a good plan for you, too! Remember that!

Don't give up. Trust that the right guy will come in the right time. Trust that God is already preparing his heart for yours.

Below is a song that my oldest son wrote as he waited for his future bride. Less than one year later he was engaged to her! Now, almost four years later they're married with a son and another baby on the way.

Right now pray and ask God to help you be "that girl" for a wonderful guy some day.


That Girl
written by Cory Goyer, April 2009

That girl
I don't know her hair color
I don't know her smile
I don't know her laugh
I don't know the color of her eyes
Or her favorite song
I don't know her passions
I don't know the thing she hates
I don't know her face
I don't know where she likes to hide
Or the twinkle in her eye
I don't know if I know her
But I know she is that girl

I would give my life for that girl
I would give up everything for that girl
I would die for that girl
I would live for that girl
I would love that girl
I would care for that girl
I would take care of that girl
All for that girl

I know she is beautiful
I know she is smart
I know she is wonderful
I know she is funny
I know she is amazing
I know she is mine
I know she is that girl

She may not know it yet
For I surely don't
She may mat not love me yet
But I know she will
Because I know I will love her
With all that I have
She may not even know me yet
But she will know me more than anyone

She may have a past
Wrong things
Regrets
Sorrows
But I will not see these things
I will wipe away her sorrows
I will not remember her wrong doings
I will not regret
Because if everything
She has ever done
Will lead her to me
Then I thank her past

So God I pray
I pray for that girl
I pray you let me wait

Top Ten Reasons to Stay Abstinent

No one doubts that sexual activity is physically, emotionally, and socially dangerous.

But what are the actual risks?

10. The risk of death. More than 600,000 cases of AIDS have been reported in the United States since 1981. As many as 900,000 Americans may be infected with HIV.

1 Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."

9. The risk of lost relationships. When you choose to develop a sexual relationship with someone, you've immediately changed the definition of the relationship. There is no such thing as casual sex. Once you have developed a sexual relationship, that relationship turns a critical corner. After the relationship ends, you and your partner will experience that guilt and pain of promises broken.

Hebrews 12:16 says, "See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son."

8. Risks of incurable disease. Imagine you have found that one special person with whom you want to share your life . . . and now you are forced to break the news that you have an incurable disease. Even though such diseases like herpes are generally not considered life-threatening, currently no cures exist. Not only is it incurable, but it fills a life with worries, awkward revelations, and continuous need for medication.

1 Corinthians 6:13 says, "The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body."

7. The risk of damaging the destiny of your future marriage. There is no way premarital sex of any kind is positive for your future marriage. (Just ask my husband how he feels "knowing" about my past.) It only causes suspicion, mistrust, and regret.

Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

6. The risk of permanently damaging your testimony as a Christian. You'll never be able to say honestly, "I was a virgin before I was married." You'll never be able to live as an example of committed purity.

Ephesians 5:3 says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."

5. The risk of depression. Those who participate in premarital sex experience emotional damage that can lead to an increased chance of mental depression and emotional despair.

2 Corinthians 12:21 says, "I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged."

4. The risk of placing your future children in spiritual harm's way. The Bible clearly speaks of the concept of generational sin. What you sow (plant) spiritually may be reaped in the life of your children. Remain pure before God, and you'll be tenaciously guarding the future of the next generation.

Proverbs 20:7 says, "The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him."

3. The risk of sexual dysfunction. People spend millions of dollars to correct sexual dysfunction through drugs and psychotherapy. Why? Because they entered marriage with unresolved sexual issues. For example, a man may think that he will be free from the curse of pornography once he gets married, only to find that the problems are even more noticeable and controlling. Sexual purity before marriage is the first step to incredible sexual fulfillment after marriage.

Mark 7:21 says, "For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,"

2. The risk of shame. Premarital sex imputes a spiritual state of shame that becomes a major weapon for our enemy. God forgives you, but you will still be vulnerable to Satan's whispering accusations on your worth.

1 Corinthians 5:1-2 says, "It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you . . . Shouldn't you rather have been filled with grief?"

1. The risk of disobeying God and letting Satan get a foothold. The Bible, time after time, tells us to flee sexual sins. Why? Because it is a major strategy of the devil to sabotage God's work on Earth. How can God work through you when you aren't living up to His standards?

1 Thessalonians 4:3 says, "It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality."

So, what do you think?

While you wait...Be Content!

A few thoughts from my co-author and I from our new book, Praying for Your Future Husband ... if you're already married, what does contentment look like for you?

Robin:

She found her true love when she least expected it. Seventeen years ago on a breezy September afternoon I stood as a beaming bridesmaid in a lovely southern California rose garden. The beautiful bride stepped forward and met her groom under a white lattice arch where they held hands and made promises before God and an intimate gathering of family and friends. My dear friend had waited well into her 40’s to experience this exquisite moment. Now that her long prayed-for day had come, it was clear this man had been worth the wait.

How had my friend, Catherine, spent those decades of singleness? She lived. She didn’t wait around for a husband to show up before she bought a home or traveled to interesting places she’d always wanted to see. She didn’t collapse her life. She expanded it. Contentment shows. It’s the best face-lift, spirit-brightener, heart-toner remedy out there.

As Psalms 131:2 says, “I've kept my feet on the ground, I've cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother's arms, my soul is a baby content” (MSG).

Maybe you're in your teens, twenties or thirties. Maybe you're still wondering and waiting, dreaming and hoping. Perhaps someday you'll be like Catherine and find the man you wish to commit your life to. Your future spouse may show up tomorrow. Or he may arrive five or ten years from now. Your contentment will show. Your romance with God will no doubt shine bright if you choose to seek Him first. As Wesley L. Duewel says, "Give Him time to do great things. The greater the work He plans, the greater the prayer preparation that may be necessary, including prayer for guidance. God often waits so that He can be even more gracious."



Tricia:

Also remember to pray that your future husband will be content.

As you wait, remember to pray for your future husband. Pray for his contentment as he waits for you. Pray for him to learn to have a content heart.

Every marriage goes through seasons of loss and gain. Every couple needs to make difficult decisions on how and where their limited finances will be directed, on when to start a family and where to direct their time and attention. Contentment in all situations allows room for flexibility. Contentment opens up new options. Contentment brings peace.

Contentment is worth praying for. And while you pray for yourself, remember to pray for all those who are waiting along with you, especially your future spouse.

What are your thoughts?

My latest book, Praying for Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart for His has recently released.

If you've ever been to my blog, It's Real Life, you've heard my two cents here and here and here. Now I'd like to hear from you.

Are you praying for your future husband? Why or why not? What do you pray for? Have you lost hope? Do you think it matters?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment and on June 22, I'll choose one winner to receive a copy of Praying for Your Future Husband.

More about the book: Have you ever thought about praying for your future husband?

Will it make a difference?

There's only one way to find out…

From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we'll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!

Authors and good friends Robin Jones Gunn (Christy Miller series) and Tricia Goyer (author and former teen mom) believe God answers women's prayers for husbands—even husbands they may not meet for years. They invite young women to pray boldly for their future mate … while also asking God to prepare their own hearts.

In Praying for Your Future Husband, Robin and Tricia share their two vastly different experiences, including the things they did right and the mistakes they made on the path to meeting and marrying their husbands. Each chapter includes helpful Bible verses, prayers, and practical application, along with true stories of women who prayed for a husband and how God answered in remarkable ways.

God has a beautiful romance prepared for you. Prayer is the key to unlocking the love story … with your future husband and with God, the lover of your soul.

Be her friend.

Do you know a struggling young woman or a teen mom? Be her friend. 

Take her to coffee. Listen as she shares her heart. Encourage her. Point her to where true love is found ... in Jesus.

Tell her to pray for her future husband ... it'll help her to think of what she longs for in a new way. My co-written book Praying for Your Future Husband is for young women who've done everything right, and those who haven't. It offers hope despite wrong choices. You can pre- order it before the May release.

If you know a teen mom ... help her on her journey. She needs help, hope, encouragement, advice, and a helping hand. Buy her a copy of Life, Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Teen Mom. It'll speak to her heart from someone who's be there.

Finally, share your story. We've all messed up. God has helped us in numerous ways. Speak to her and tell of His goodness. Remind her that someone loves her more than she can imagine, and then give her a hug and tell her you love her, too.

You are not alone in your struggles

Recently I received an email from a 14-year-old I'll call Sarah. She said she'd made some stupid decisions. She's fourteen and after fooling around with a guy she feels lousy and doesn't want to do it again ... but she usually does. She wanted some advice.

I immediately thought of the book Nobody Told Me by Pam Stenzel and Melissa Nesdahl. This book says everything I want to say about teen sex and purity and so much more! I asked Melissa to help me craft a note to Sarah and this is what she came up with:

Dear Sarah*,


I am so glad that you took the time to write. You are not alone in your struggles and so many will benefit from your honesty.


First of all, “fooling around” with guys has me concerned about your physical health. Dealing with the emotions and boundaries are critical, but first we MUST talk about your body.


Many teens do not realize that ANY genital contact – hand, mouth, or genital to genital contact – place you at risk for disease. Now, if you are like most teens you are thinking I look fine. I feel fine. And, I’ve noticed nothing down there. I’ve escaped that risk. 


NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.


One in four teens have at least one STD and, sadly, 80% of the people infected with sexually transmitted diseases HAVE NO SYMPTOMS. That is four out of five! STDs are spreading like wildfire because students do not realize they are infected and it is going from person to person to person.


Since you are a female, infection places you at higher risk for damage. Infertility in our country has gone through the roof largely because of internal damage to girls’ bodies resulting from STDs. This is not just about “the heat of the moment.” This is about your future marriage and ability to have a family. Please see your regular family physician or OB/GYN for complete bacterial and viral disease testing.


I am thankful that you want to set up boundaries. Because you CONTINUE to place yourself in dating situations you are going to struggle. Part of setting up healthy boundaries is going to mean STAYING OUT of dating relationships and all one-on-one situations with the opposite gender right now. I’d suggest waiting to date again until you are 16 and then group date through the rest of high school. It will keep you in much safer situations.


In the meantime, please do a few things- 1) read NOBODY TOLD ME for added encouragement from your peers going through the same situations and rising victorious in recycled virginity. 2) Write a letter to your future spouse. This forward thinking exercise will help you to see beyond today. 3) Also, think through the character qualities that you want in your future spouse. What top 10 things are a “must?” What won’t you tolerate? Thinking through these questions will help you be selective when you start dating again so that you only date people with marriage potential…rather than dating just to date. 4) PRAY!


Sarah, God made you. And, in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 He tells you this, “"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body." You are struggling emotionally because your actions are outside of your Maker’s will.


But, here is the amazing thing. If you truly repent and TURN FROM YOUR SIN, God places your sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). He forgives you. Now you need to forgive yourself. In doing so, you will feel new respect for yourself and love for your Savior.


Your past actions DO NOT have to be your future ones. You CAN choose recycled virginity from now until you marry. One day you will have to tell your future spouse about your past, but you will be able to say that you were tested and have remained pure ever since. That shows INCREDIBLE character that you can be proud of.


Today you get to decide. Will you choose character so that you attract a Godly man of character one day? Or, will you continue to be used, abused, and placed at risk. Your Creator says you are worth far more. Choose healthy boundaries so from this day forward you can live out His best.


I BELIEVE IN YOU! 

Thank you, Melissa, for sharing your heart and this great information. I highly recommend Nobody Told Me. Also, pick up a copy of Praying for Your Future Husband for a young woman you love. You can pre-order now!

Waiting for the Next Big Thing

So Valentine's Day is over. (For some that may be a relief - my daughter told me that her teacher called it "Single Awareness Day")

What's next?

St. Patrick's Day - never been much for that holiday. Easter is around the corner. That's fun. Chocolate eggs and Easter egg hunts and celebrating how merciful the Lord is to us all. Spring is also around the corner (at least I really hope it is!)

I've been in a waiting mode for quite some time. I've had years of practice with waiting. Waiting is never easy. But waiting also never goes away. I've learned something about waiting - there is a difference between "just waiting" (picture yourself standing at a busy intersection waiting for that little green man to start blinking and tell you that it's time to cross the road) and "waiting on God".

Just Waiting

When we are "just waiting", we are looking for something to change - the "next, big thing". We are kind of just holding on until then. Back in college, I was convinced that no one would ever fall in love with me. One of my best friends, who I had a probably not so secret crush on, seemed only interested in dating my friends. True confession: I never had a boyfriend. Not once. But since I've been deliriously and happily married for nearly 16 years, I can assure you that I don't have one single regret about that. In fact, I'm pretty happy that it worked out that way! But here's the scenario:

in high school, you wait to graduate

in college, you wait to graduate

you wait to find someone

you wait to get married

you wait to find a job

you wait to have kids

(then once you have kids, there's all sorts of new waiting that starts to happen!)

Waiting on God

Instead of waiting "for the next big thing", I've been trying to practice waiting on God. How is that different? When we wait on God - we are looking for Him - not the next big thing. We are sharing with Him all of those dreams and hopes, but allowing Him to hold them for us while we focus on what he has put in front of us. I don't know what the next horizon holds. I don't know what it will look like. But I know that He is good, and He is the One that holds the future. So I talk with Him about my hopes and dreams, but my daily focus is on what He has put in front of me. We really only need be concerned about today. What are we supposed to accomplish for Him today?

If we're "just waiting" - we can miss what we are supposed to be doing today. We can miss out on the ways God is preparing us for what's on that horizon. Which means, of course, that it could just end up making us have to wait even longer because we're not ready for what God has planned.

I definitely don't want to miss out on what God has planned. So I'm going to wait on Him by dreaming with Him and being faithful with what He has put in front of me today. What has He put in front of you?

Sarah Anne Sumpolec is still trying to figure out what God wants her to be when she grows up. In the meantime, she writes YA novels, speaks to teens and college students, writes screenplays and is a Youth Theater director. She thoroughly enjoys being a wife and mom and you can find out more about her and her books at her website: a naked faith

Marrying Right

Simply put, my husband is the most amazing man I've ever known.

Tomorrow (Saturday) is our 6-year anniversary, and it's left me contemplating how important it is to marry right.

Ben and I met on a church retreat during the first week of high school. While we've had our fair share of problems - including a breakup that lasted our entire junior year - for the last 13 years we've been there for each other. Sometimes Ben was there for me when I didn't even deserve it.

This is likely why all my books have a strong romance thread, because that was my high school experience. We were engaged at 17, married at 20, and pregnant with our daughter at 23. The marriage and the pregnancy didn't seem to bother anybody, but the "engaged at 17" part freaked out a number of people.

After six years of happy, healthy marriage, strangers are always like, "Oh, that's so romantic to have gotten engaged so young!" At the time, however, hardly anybody viewed it that way.

Here are 3 reasons why I think Ben and I work:

I'm able to be more myself with him than with anybody else.

The guy totally gets me. He knows what I need, what drives me crazy, what will make me laugh. He knows my weaknesses and flaws, but never uses them against me. And all that adds up to me being able to relax around him 100% of the time. I'm not exactly sure when that happened, but boy am I glad it did.

We value the same things

My marriage would be riddled with problems if Ben and I didn't both believe in God. And I don't mean just believing that there is a god, but believing He cares for us and desires a relationship with every single person on the planet. I've heard non-believers talk about how stupid it is when Christians won't date non-Christians. Ben and I have never been a model couple as far as praying or studying the Bible together goes, but I can't imagine the kind of strain it would put on our marriage if I said to Ben, "I feel like God is leading me to do such-and-such," and he gave me a look like I had two heads. Rather than his normal response, which is, "Then let's do it."

We have grace for each other

We're human. And when one of us is having a particularly "human" kind of day, the other typically responds with an attitude of, "What can I do to help?" Sometimes we have simultaneous bad days. That's no fun. But we somehow have arrived at a place where we realize that it's not personal. By which I mean, I don't squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube to make Ben upset. It just happens. And when he hangs up towels crooked and unfolded, it's not because he's trying to infuriate me. It's because he forgets sometimes.

I don't have any great formulas for knowing if your boyfriend is "the guy" (Cosmo magazine probably does...) but I know that it's worth it to wait for the relationship God intended for you. And that there's no "right" time for that guy to come along. People told Ben and I that we were too young. And people had given up hope on my Uncle, who was in his 50s when he married for the first time. But God has a different perspective on relationships and time than we do. Trust Him.

Stephanie Morrill

http://www.stephaniemorrillbooks.com/

You burp, therefore I love you

Camy here! I was just thinking about this the other day—when we’re truly ourselves with someone and they don’t run screaming in the other direction, that’s got to be love.

This might be kind of gross, so TMI alert, but my husband and I actually … fart in front of each other.

Yes, it’s true. Romance has descended to this. He burps in front of me, too. But I’m better if I’ve drunk a coke.

I have a point, I promise I do. My point is that he loves me exactly the way I am, imperfect and human and sometimes stupid.

Actually, he thinks he really scored with me because I will actually forget our anniversary. Yes, it’s true. I just did it this year. All his friends who have wives who have to remind them two weeks in advance of their anniversary date—and who expect a gift—are in envy of him because not only do I not remember the date, if he doesn’t get me anything, I’m totally fine with that, since I’ve probably forgotten to get him something, too.

Now, that’s love.

My point, again, is that we love each other despite the fact I leave water behind the sink faucet and he leaves his stuff all over the floor. And steals the comforter cover.

We love each other even when I forget to take out the trash or—oops—feed the dog (although the dog isn’t really feeling the love at that point).

So for all you hopeless romantics who hope for a knight in shining armor who has good hygiene, sorry, he might not exist. But a knight in shining armor who would lay down his life for you AND buy you Godiva for your birthday—he might be out there. And God will bring him to you, in God’s own timing. And that timing will be perfect.

After all, He gave me my prince, farts and all. LOLOLOLOLOLOL I couldn’t resist...

Camy Tang writes romance with a kick of wasabi. Out now is her humorous contemporary romance novel, Single Sashimi, and her romantic suspense, Deadly Intent. She also runs the Story Sensei critique service. In her spare time, she is a staff worker for her church youth group, and she leads one of the worship teams for Sunday service. On her blog, she gives away Christian novels and ponders frivolous things. Sign up for her newsletter YahooGroup for giveways!

Can you live with him?

My youth pastor tackles marriage head-on in our youth group. No pussy-footing around the issue. If you don’t like what he’s saying, well, you’re welcome to walk out.

I think it’s because he used to be a pastor in Los Angeles, and he’s seen a lot of heartache among teens and twenty-somethings when they date, and he’s boiled it down to misconceptions about what marriage is supposed to be like.

The other week, he told the high schoolers, “When you date, it’s not how much you like the other person. The question to ask is, ‘Can I live with him/her?’”

Basically, he’s saying that while it’s lovely and fizzy and heady to be in love, you also have to save a part of your brain to ask yourself, “Is this person spousal material?”

I was kind of shocked that he’d pose this to the teenagers, because marriage is probably furthest from their minds. But he wanted them to think about it even now while some of them date in high school.

All the little annoyances your boyfriend does—could you stand them after living with him for five years? Ten years? Like not cleaning his room, or not ironing his own shirts, or refusing to learn how to cook? Would you be able to stand cleaning up after him, ironing all his shirts for him, doing all the cooking no matter how tired or crabby you were?

And can you talk freely with him? Does he talk freely to you? (Which is actually a more important question.)

Do you try not to fester resentment or anger at each other over more than 24 hours? Do you ever fully resolve problems? If the answers are NO, then you have a problem.

Some things aren’t really big deals, but you need to keep things in perspective and cover your thoughts in a lot of prayer to know what you would and wouldn’t tolerate in a spouse versus just a boyfriend.

Our youth pastor was just trying to get the high schoolers to realize that dating is not just for fun, it should impact their ideas of marriage. And even though they might date in high school, they have to keep these kinds of things in mind even then, so that they’ll keep these things in mind as they get older and closer to marriage age.

So, if you’re dating, give your S.O. more serious consideration than how he dresses in Hugo Boss or how he drives a souped up Honda with subwoofers that could shatter glass. Cover your dating relationship in prayer, and ask God to let you know—“Can I live with him?”

The first year of college challenge

You may or may not know, I and my husband work with my church youth group. We had youth meeting on Saturday and the lesson was on the covenant of marriage.

It’s kind of cool to be a married person in youth group with my spouse also working with me. I feel like the high schoolers trust us because we’ve been with the youth group since before they started attending, and we’re also down to earth enough that they can ask us tough questions. Plus we won’t blab to their parents about what we talked about.

So we went over the whole “be faithful” and “oneness of marriage,” but my youth pastor added something that I thought was pretty insightful.

He said, “I want to challenge you all to not get into a dating relationship in your first year of college.”

We were all like, “Whaaaaat? Why not?” I mean, let’s face it—that’s when homework is the lightest.

His reason actually made a lot of sense. This is more true for girls than for guys, but it’s still good for a guy to take up this challenge. If a girl gets involved with a guy in her Freshman year in college, she usually spends a lot of her time with him—especially if she’s dorming and away from home.

She doesn’t have the time to develop real, deep relationships with other girls, and the first year in college is the most important year for doing this.

If they break up later in the year, or even in her second year, she doesn’t have a lot of close, intimate girlfriends to fall back on. It’s also much more difficult to form close friendships with other women in your second year in college, because they’ve all gathered in their own circles in their first year.

The distraught girl will usually end up finding another boyfriend. That’s not necessarily a good thing, because dating around isn’t as positive a social experience as bonding with other sisters in Christ.

Also, if a guy really likes you, and if he really wants what’s best for you, he’ll be willing to wait until your second year to enter into a dating relationship. No cheating by hanging out each night, driving you places, etc. If he’s not willing to wait, he’s frankly too selfish to care about anybody but himself.

I want to challenge you to this “no dating in my first year in college” vow. Well, pray about it first, obviously.

But consider devoting that first year in college to building female friendships, learning from each other, maturing with each other, praying for each other.

My Prince

I have a photograph. We're both sitting in an armchair made for one. I'm wearing denim overalls and a light blue t-shirt. My long hair is swept up loosely with a clip, and my head is thrown back in delighted laughter.

He is looking at the camera. His hair is just long enough to be in a perpetual state of unruliness, and he's grinning from ear to ear. He's wearing . . .

Well, let me start over.

My knight in shining armor came riding into my life on his valiant steed. He was really just a tousle-headed college boy in levi corduroys on a ten-speed bike. But he was mine. We'd been engaged for a few months, but hadn't told anyone yet. We had our reasons. In retrospect, they are mostly silly and romantic, but we had them. One evening my doorbell rang. He was standing there, his eyes full of merriment, and he said, "I've come courting."

I laughed at him. In fact, I couldn't stop laughing. But he wasn't offended. That's exactly the response he'd anticipated. He and his dorm buddies had pooled their resources and decked him out in quite the interesting finery: an orange and blue plaid flannel shirt, brown and white checked pants, a hot pink tie with neon colored flowers, and a brown blazer. Courting duds.

So we put on some music and danced. We talked and laughed. My roommate snapped some pictures. I'm so glad.

He stayed as long as was proper. Then he went to the window, opened it, and called to his bicycle, "Mighty Bones! Prepare to ride!" And he left. Through the door, not the window. I watched him ride away, feeling loved, happy, courted.

It's such a great memory. And to think, twenty-eight years later, he's still my prince. Still loves me, courts me, makes me laugh.

If your prince hasn't come courting yet, keep praying and trusting God to bring him at just the right time. Princes come in all shapes and sizes. And they don't all ride white horses. Sometimes they show up on a ten-speed bike.