Kim Kardashian's 72-Day Marriage

It seems that everyone is surprised--yet no one is surprised really--by Kim Kardashian's 72-day marriage. There are many things I've wanted to say about that, but I didn't want to just add to the noise. When talking with a friend yesterday, I finally narrowed it down to what I wanted to add to the conversation.

My friend, you see, has a family member who just got married in the last year. "She's the most stable she's ever been yet she's facing depression. I don't understand it."

We've heard the term "honeymoon phase" to talk about the first year of marriage, but I've known few people who feel this time is an extended honeymoon period filled with joy and ease. Instead this first year is one of the toughest. We have the man of our dreams, everything should be perfect ... right?! It's usually far from perfect.

But why the depression? Why the questions? Why the urge to throw in the towel after 72 days? I have a few ideas.

1. Living with another person is hard. When two self-centered people (as we all are) try to merge their lives they're sure to butt heads. It's easier to think of our ease and our needs than to consider another person first. It takes time and practice to learn to compromise and work together for our mutual benefit and long-term solutions.

2. We feel a let down after the excitement of the courtship and the engagement and the wedding. It's over?! Now what? I was talking to my 19-year-old daughter about this yesterday. "It's sort of a let-down," I told her. "You're excited about who you're dating. You're excited about being engaged. You're looking forward to the wedding and then a few weeks later you wake up and it's all done. Now you're just looking at this guy who leaves his dishes in the sink and his dirty socks on the floor--who'd rather watch TV than go for a romantic walk like you used to do. And you wonder, is this all that's left?"

Leslie had a wise observation. "It sounds sort of like the slight depression after Christmas. The wedding was fun, but now it's over."

The Christmas analogy is a good one. I've felt that low-spot after Christmas Day. The long distance family members are long distance again. The gifts aren't as much fun as you expected them to be. And then there's the mess to clean up and the 7 pounds to lose. Of course, we do know that Christmas will come again next year, and we do look forward to that. With marriage there's not another wedding to look forward to, just days and days and days of self-sacrifice, patience and putting another's needs before your own.

So what's a person to do?

1. If you know a newlywed, be sure to ask the hard questions. "How are you really doing? What do you like most about marriage? What disappoints you?" Then offer a listening ear and an understanding heart.

2. Let young couples know that you faced the same problems ... and overcame them. Young couples often see loving, committed, happy couples that have been married a while and wonder what they're doing wrong. My own daughter was surprised to hear about some of the struggles John and I had in our first years of marriage. She assumed that the way we treat each other now is how we treated each other 21 years ago. WRONG.

3. Encourage couples to create their own "Christmas mornings." Romance doesn't have to end at the wedding altar. Spend time planning and dreaming together. Schedule special times you can anticipate and celebrate together. We all want things to look forward to and it's not just the vacations, date nights, or play dates that bring us close. It's the time talking about what's coming--and the reliving our favorite moments--that reminds us that our lives together aren't just about a BIG DAY, but also about the many happy days to come!

First Date: Reader Book Review

First Date
Krista McGee




My new “favorite” book is First Date by Krista McGee.
My name is Maddie and I am thirteen. I love to read. Recently, my mom gave me a book to read called First Date. Even though she said it was from a Christian publisher, it looked like many of the books I read and the story sounded good so I eagerly dug in one Friday evening.

I like to read books that grab me at the start and pull me into the story. First Date didn’t start with a lot of action, but by the third chapter I was totally hooked. The author used language that I could relate to and included things like the reality show contest that made the story seem like something that could really be happening in today’s world. I really liked Addy, the main character, more than anything.

Addy really made an impression on me. Like me, she was just trying to get through school without drawing much attention to herself until she was chosen for the reality show—for a chance to win a date to prom with the President’s son! Suddenly, she had to deal with crazy and sometimes hurtful situations. She tried to get kicked off the show, but Jonathan Jackson was drawn more to her. She drew her strength from God and never hesitated to share her faith with others. I began to want to be more like Addy. I wanted God’s love to show through all of my actions and words.

I have always had a Bible in my bedroom but I don’t remember doing anything with it other than carrying it to church on Sundays. Addy’s example made me want to study my Bible to learn more about God’s word so I could share it like Addy—in a natural, non-threatening way. I started reading my Bible right after I finished First Date and I haven’t stopped. Now instead of being buried on my desk, it sits right next to my bed on top of the stack of my favorite books.

I chose to do my most recent school language arts project on First Date. I made a story tree with all the elements of Addy’s story on it. I am proud to report I made a 100 on the assignment but more importantly several of my classmates asked if they could borrow my copy of First Date to read. I can’t wait to hear what they think of Addy’s story!

Thanks for sharing your review with us Maddie! Do you want to write with us? Want to submit a post? Click on "Write With Us" on the menu bar to learn how!

Crossroads: Guest Post from Renee Johnson Fisher

Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask

for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its

path, and you will find rest for your souls.

JEREMIAH 6:16

In Jeremiah 6, the prophet says that Israel is at a crossroads. Have you ever been there? In your professional life, your education, your dating relationships? Has there been a time when you faced a number of options, all of which looked equally attractive but presented wildly different futures? Maybe one path looked easy—a college close to home, a job in the same building where you’d been an intern, dating the pastor’s daughter. Maybe the other path was more uncertain—a college in a different part of the country, a career that wasn’t certain to bring financial stability, dating a guy your parents couldn’t stand.
Jeremiah has advice for Israel and for you. Check out his instructions in verse 16:

Stop. Recognize the crossroads right in front of you. Before you make a decision, take some time to reflect and seek God’s will.

Look. Immediate distractions or hindrances directly in front of us might cause us to miss the right path.

Ask. Talk to God and people you trust. Seek wise council. Dig into the Word. This part’s important. Hebrews 2:1 warns us that “we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it.”

Walk. Once you’re certain of God’s will, take those first steps on the path with confidence.

Travel. Once you’ve made all the preparations, you can enjoy the journey and delight in all the surprise and abundance you find along the way.
When you reach a crossroads in your life, find peace and certainty by following God’s will!

~

Renee Johnson Fisher is a spirited speaker and writer to twenty-somethings. Her second book Not Another Dating Book (Harvest House) released in February 2012, and you can find Renee blogging at www.devotionaldiva.com.

Adapted from: Not Another Dating Book © 2012 by Renee Fisher. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission.

Sarah here: The publisher has graciously offered to GIVE AWAY a few copies of Renee's brand new book!! Interested? Of course you are! All you have to do is leave a comment on this post with a valid e-mail address - that's it! I'll give you one week and then we'll randomly select our winners! So comment away!

Becoming

Camy here! We have a college Bible study at our house twice a month, and last Sunday we discussed finding a significant other.

We asked, “What qualities do you value in a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse?”

You list it on a piece of paper.

Now look at those qualities. Instead of looking for someone who has all those qualities, you need to make an effort to become the person who has those qualities.

Do you value loyalty? Well, what can you do this week to grow and become a more loyal person?

Do you value kindness? Well, what can you do this week to grow and become a kinder, more thoughtful person?

Do you value honesty? Well, what can you do this week to grow and become a more honest person with your friends and family?

Rather than focusing on the person you want to date, instead focus on yourself and how you can become someone that a really cool person would want to date.

You want to become a person who is more Christ-like and who loves Jesus so that when that perfect person comes along, the two of you will help each other become better people.

So what qualities do you value in a mate? And what can you do this week to grow and become those qualities?

Camy Tang writes romance with a kick of wasabi. Out now is the fourth book in her Sushi series, Weddings and Wasabi. She is a staff worker for her church youth group, and leads one of the worship teams for Sunday service. On her blog, she ponders frivolous things like knitting, running, dogs, and Asiana. Visit her website to sign up for her quarterly newsletter.

Click here to find out how you can join my Street Team—it’s free and there’s lots of chances to win prizes!

What are your thoughts?

My latest book, Praying for Your Future Husband: Preparing Your Heart for His has recently released.

If you've ever been to my blog, It's Real Life, you've heard my two cents here and here and here. Now I'd like to hear from you.

Are you praying for your future husband? Why or why not? What do you pray for? Have you lost hope? Do you think it matters?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment and on June 22, I'll choose one winner to receive a copy of Praying for Your Future Husband.

More about the book: Have you ever thought about praying for your future husband?

Will it make a difference?

There's only one way to find out…

From when we were small girls, most of us dream of “The One,” our future husband. We think about what it would be like to be a bride. We wonder who that special guy is and when we'll find him. The great news is that what you do now can make a difference in your life and the life of your future husband!

Authors and good friends Robin Jones Gunn (Christy Miller series) and Tricia Goyer (author and former teen mom) believe God answers women's prayers for husbands—even husbands they may not meet for years. They invite young women to pray boldly for their future mate … while also asking God to prepare their own hearts.

In Praying for Your Future Husband, Robin and Tricia share their two vastly different experiences, including the things they did right and the mistakes they made on the path to meeting and marrying their husbands. Each chapter includes helpful Bible verses, prayers, and practical application, along with true stories of women who prayed for a husband and how God answered in remarkable ways.

God has a beautiful romance prepared for you. Prayer is the key to unlocking the love story … with your future husband and with God, the lover of your soul.

Be her friend.

Do you know a struggling young woman or a teen mom? Be her friend. 

Take her to coffee. Listen as she shares her heart. Encourage her. Point her to where true love is found ... in Jesus.

Tell her to pray for her future husband ... it'll help her to think of what she longs for in a new way. My co-written book Praying for Your Future Husband is for young women who've done everything right, and those who haven't. It offers hope despite wrong choices. You can pre- order it before the May release.

If you know a teen mom ... help her on her journey. She needs help, hope, encouragement, advice, and a helping hand. Buy her a copy of Life, Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Teen Mom. It'll speak to her heart from someone who's be there.

Finally, share your story. We've all messed up. God has helped us in numerous ways. Speak to her and tell of His goodness. Remind her that someone loves her more than she can imagine, and then give her a hug and tell her you love her, too.

I was looking for love in all the wrong places

I felt like I was sneaking out and getting away with something. I was on the top of a mountain at a ski resort with two dozen teen girls. We were having a retreat, and I was the speaker. We spent time playing games, having a spa day, and as we sat in front of a cracking fireplace I told these amazing young women about my high school years and all the mistakes I'd made.

“I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I ended up pregnant ... twice. I thought I'd never find a godly man who would want to be my husband, but God had other plans,” I told them.

I looked around at the faces of the teens as the sat and listened to my story. Part of me wished I had a better story to tell. I wished I'd done everything right. But afterwards, as I spoke with some of the young women, I was thankful God had led me there. Some of them had already made many mistakes and had gone too far with their boyfriends. Many, like I had, doubted if there would ever be a godly guy who'd love them. I was glad to tell them that no matter what they'd done, God had good plans for them … just like He did for me.

My life changed when I accepted Jesus Christ's free gift of salvation. I was a new person—someone who had no more sin and all the potential of Christ in me. Things changed again when I surrendered everything to Jesus. For many years I thought I had to figure out how to serve God. I taught Sunday School, I led Bible Studies, I cooked for church dinners, only to feel overwhelmed and frazzled. Yet, when I really surrendered myself and asked God to show me how He wanted me to serve, He led me to an amazing ministry—speaking to teen girls and teen moms. I discovered that my greatest failures gave me a compassion for these young women. I understood where they were coming from because I used to be where they are.

And that's what's amazing about God. First he saves us, then … as we give our everything to Him … He sets us to serve in the work He's planned for us to do. Ephesians 2:7-10 talks about this:

“Saving is ... God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.” Ephesians 2:7-10 (The Message).

After all my mess ups, it's amazing to know that God had good plans for my life. He's done more amazing things than I could ever imagine! The thing that it took, though, is understanding who I was and who I am. I was a sinner, saved by grace. I am a child of God who is amazed by how He's transformed my life. I am also someone who loved to connect with people. And in an amazing way sharing the ways I've screwed up my life has allowed me to connect with others in ways I hadn't though possible.

God knows me better than anyone else. He loves me more than anyone. How could I have ever doubted He could make something good out of my life? The best decision I ever made was to give Him everything. And as I continue to connect with teen girls, I tell them that.

Is He Dating Material?

A few days ago I was chatting with a twenty-something-year-old. Her blue eyes were all sparkly and shiny. I told her she looked happy. She said, "I am."

"Are you dating anyone?" I said.

"Yep."

"Tell me about him."

As soon as she started talking about him, I knew I wanted to blog about it. She said that they're hours apart, and he doesn't mind the long drive to visit her. He must consider dating her a privilege. She said he likes to take her out to nice places. Then she said her parents really like him a lot. She also admires him.

So....I started thinking. What's the flip side of a healthy dating relationship? How does it feel to be dating a not-so-good guy?

Maybe he puts you down.
Or he's selfish.
Or you get this weird feeling that he doesn't want the best for you.
Maybe your parents aren't too thrilled with him.
Or maybe he's cheated on you.
Maybe his temper scares you.
Or you feel sorta sad after hanging out with him.
Or he doesn't do kind things for you like open doors.
Sometimes you don't feel too special when you're around him.
Maybe he's way too jealous. Too possessive.

Is he dating material? Listen to your heart. Pray. Ask God to guide you. It matters to Him. You matter to Him.

P.S. My dear friend Robin let me use this fabric picture from her blog. http://www.allthingsheartandhome.com/

Love,
Julie

First Kiss

Have you always thought about your first kiss? A first kiss symbolizes attraction—someone desires you and you desire that person in return. And you, of course, want to be desired. We all do. In a world with billions and billions of people you want to be noticed, especially by a special guy.

The problem is that the longings of our hearts sometimes get in the way of our common sense. You may know at thirteen or sixteen or even eighteen that you're not ready to get married. You may know that the guy you're getting close to wouldn't be husband material even if you were ready. But the emotions are shouting louder than your common sense. Your heart pounds, your palms sweat … this has to be a good thing, right? Then you start to justify. All your friends are doing it, so why shouldn't you?

There's another problem too. Kisses have been cheapened by society. Watch any tween series like iCarly or Drake and Josh and you'll see boys kissing girls and girls kissing boys with abandon. On shows for teens and adults they go farther than that very quickly. It maybe the same way at your school. A kiss is just a kiss … or is it?

I personally know of one young couple who waited until their wedding day for their first kiss. The tension was high in the ceremony … everyone wanted to see the culmination of all their waiting, and we weren't disappointed. I know the couple wasn't disappointed either. Love, tenderness and excitement filled the room. We observers couldn't help but smile and cheer.

And that's one problem about giving away kisses to easily. Sometimes you're disappointed when the perfect moment is given away to a guy who doesn't cherish you. Most of the time there is regret. Every kiss is giving away a part of yourself. A part of your heart.

If you have already given away more kisses than you'd like to admit, you can choose today to make a change. Consider your lips as something precious to be cherished. Like Barlow Girls sing, “what if your prince comes riding in while you're kissin' a frog?” And if you believe you have found your prince, waiting will only make the kiss more special when it does happen.

Ask Jesus to help you be strong. Also ask Jesus to help your future husband to be strong to. In a world where there is a lot of temptation, your future husband needs all the prayers you can offer.

Another thing … don't stop praying. The amazing thing about prayer is that God has designed this system to release the power of heaven for that person or situation. Think of your prayers as the garage door opener that lifts heaven's gates and sends reinforcement and strength to your future husband. You may not know him. You may have never seen him, but your prayers will make a different in his life. Think about a time when you can pray regularly. There is no greater habit than a habit of prayer.

I've made it a habit to pray when I first open my eyes in the morning. I also write out prayers in my journal during my morning quiet time, and I pray in the shower too. These three “prayer moments” started by me doing it one day and then the next and then the next. Pick a time and a place where you can commit to prayer, too … and then make it a habit! Someday, when you do meet your future husband, you just might be amazed by how much your prayers sustained his life and protected His heart … for you.

Dreaming of Mr. Right

It’s easy to spot Mr. Right in the movies or in a good novel. He’s the one who shows up out of nowhere, casts a handsome smile, and sweeps little Miss Lonely off her feet. There are struggles to be sure. There may be moments when Mr. Right seems long gone, but if the movie/book is one of those happily-ever-after stories Him and Her will end up realizing their love and committing themselves to each other for life. Riding off in the sunset with Mr. Right is the correct ending for every good story.

Yet there is a time in all of our lives when we doubt there is a Mr. Right for us. Those dumb boys at school aren’t nearly as cute, or smart, or kind as the heroes on television, but sometimes that doesn’t seem to matter very much because we’re not necessarily Cinderella or even Snow White.

At night, as we lay in bed drifting off in sleep we may dream about our future, about our wedding day and our life, our career and our kids. But once we’re at school, or work, those thoughts seem like fading dreams. Our focus turns to reality—to today—and we forget to plan, or pray for, all those tomorrows that are hanging in the future with bright expectations.

We don’t think about Mr. Right at school. Or when we’re with our friends. We don’t consider our future wedding day and all the marriage days to follow. Instead we look around and see that all our friends are dating and we want to keep up. We watch the teen movies and desire some of that romance that we see on the big screen. We feel empty inside, incomplete, and we want loved. Need love. Sure our parents, and siblings, and maybe even friends from church or school love us, but it’s not the same. We want to experience those giddy feelings and that flutter of butterflies in our stomachs … you may feel that way, too.

So then comes the day when that guy that sits three seats in front of you in Chemistry asks you out you quickly agree. He’s just average looking, and he doesn’t go to church. He mostly hangs around his friends and plays video games or football on the front lawn after school. He’s not someone you can really imagine spending your life with, but he’s not that bad and he likes you. And you don’t want to miss the chance. After all you do want to go to the prom and you do want to experience a kiss. And so those hopes that you had when you were drifting off to sleep are forgotten. Mr. Right is just a fantasy and you live for the here and now. After all, there is no guarantee for a good future, right?

Then again, maybe there is something you can do. Maybe there is something you can do with your friends. It’s a place to start. And it starts on your knees. Before you date. Before you give your heart PRAY. Pray for God to guide you. Pray for His will. Seek HIS peace.

And then, if you don't have peace that this guy is God's good, perfect will for you ... at this time ... for your heart.

Run. Run away from temptation. Run to God.

My Future Wife Rock

I had to share this with you all, it's written by a tenth grader named Paul:

I believe that the girl of my dreams is worth waiting for.

I am not going to waste my time on hormone crazy teenagers. People argue with me and ask how I know that the right girl is not here in my school. They say that the only way to get to know her is to date her, but that’s not true. You can get to know someone by being friends with them. Besides kids don’t act like themselves around a crush. The guy who one minute will sing Japanese karaoke for his buds will suddenly be way too cool for that when the girl he likes shows up.

Read the rest of his essay HERE

Have you really thought through dating and what God wants you to do?

Sarah, who is married to the most amazing man in the world, but believed during high school and college that I'd never find anyone

Sarah Anne Sumpolec is the author of the YA series, Becoming Beka - My website

List of Qualities for Future Husband

I'm a list maker. I've also been teaching high school girls in Sunday school for many years. Something I suggest is to make a list of qualities to look for your future husband. It's a great idea to only date guys who meet the standard you set on your list. Pray about what goes on your list. Don't settle for less.

This is my husband and I playing shuffleboard in Florida. Yes, I know nobody plays shuffleboard anymore, but we're both smiling, so I picked this picture. We've been married thirty years. I love him more today than the day we were married. Waaay more. I keep discovering new things to admire about him.

What kinds of things might be on your HUSBAND-TO-BE list?

Ideas......

1. He loves God more than he loves me.
2. He's honest.
3. He has a sense of humor.
4. He fights for the underdog.
5. He's generous.
6. He's cute (definition of cute will be different for everybody).
7. He's not a worry wart.
8. He's not lazy.
9. Bonus--He treats his mama right. Hint: This may be how he'll one day treat you.

Love to you all this Friday and make those lists!

Julie

Can you live with him?

My youth pastor tackles marriage head-on in our youth group. No pussy-footing around the issue. If you don’t like what he’s saying, well, you’re welcome to walk out.

I think it’s because he used to be a pastor in Los Angeles, and he’s seen a lot of heartache among teens and twenty-somethings when they date, and he’s boiled it down to misconceptions about what marriage is supposed to be like.

The other week, he told the high schoolers, “When you date, it’s not how much you like the other person. The question to ask is, ‘Can I live with him/her?’”

Basically, he’s saying that while it’s lovely and fizzy and heady to be in love, you also have to save a part of your brain to ask yourself, “Is this person spousal material?”

I was kind of shocked that he’d pose this to the teenagers, because marriage is probably furthest from their minds. But he wanted them to think about it even now while some of them date in high school.

All the little annoyances your boyfriend does—could you stand them after living with him for five years? Ten years? Like not cleaning his room, or not ironing his own shirts, or refusing to learn how to cook? Would you be able to stand cleaning up after him, ironing all his shirts for him, doing all the cooking no matter how tired or crabby you were?

And can you talk freely with him? Does he talk freely to you? (Which is actually a more important question.)

Do you try not to fester resentment or anger at each other over more than 24 hours? Do you ever fully resolve problems? If the answers are NO, then you have a problem.

Some things aren’t really big deals, but you need to keep things in perspective and cover your thoughts in a lot of prayer to know what you would and wouldn’t tolerate in a spouse versus just a boyfriend.

Our youth pastor was just trying to get the high schoolers to realize that dating is not just for fun, it should impact their ideas of marriage. And even though they might date in high school, they have to keep these kinds of things in mind even then, so that they’ll keep these things in mind as they get older and closer to marriage age.

So, if you’re dating, give your S.O. more serious consideration than how he dresses in Hugo Boss or how he drives a souped up Honda with subwoofers that could shatter glass. Cover your dating relationship in prayer, and ask God to let you know—“Can I live with him?”

The first year of college challenge

You may or may not know, I and my husband work with my church youth group. We had youth meeting on Saturday and the lesson was on the covenant of marriage.

It’s kind of cool to be a married person in youth group with my spouse also working with me. I feel like the high schoolers trust us because we’ve been with the youth group since before they started attending, and we’re also down to earth enough that they can ask us tough questions. Plus we won’t blab to their parents about what we talked about.

So we went over the whole “be faithful” and “oneness of marriage,” but my youth pastor added something that I thought was pretty insightful.

He said, “I want to challenge you all to not get into a dating relationship in your first year of college.”

We were all like, “Whaaaaat? Why not?” I mean, let’s face it—that’s when homework is the lightest.

His reason actually made a lot of sense. This is more true for girls than for guys, but it’s still good for a guy to take up this challenge. If a girl gets involved with a guy in her Freshman year in college, she usually spends a lot of her time with him—especially if she’s dorming and away from home.

She doesn’t have the time to develop real, deep relationships with other girls, and the first year in college is the most important year for doing this.

If they break up later in the year, or even in her second year, she doesn’t have a lot of close, intimate girlfriends to fall back on. It’s also much more difficult to form close friendships with other women in your second year in college, because they’ve all gathered in their own circles in their first year.

The distraught girl will usually end up finding another boyfriend. That’s not necessarily a good thing, because dating around isn’t as positive a social experience as bonding with other sisters in Christ.

Also, if a guy really likes you, and if he really wants what’s best for you, he’ll be willing to wait until your second year to enter into a dating relationship. No cheating by hanging out each night, driving you places, etc. If he’s not willing to wait, he’s frankly too selfish to care about anybody but himself.

I want to challenge you to this “no dating in my first year in college” vow. Well, pray about it first, obviously.

But consider devoting that first year in college to building female friendships, learning from each other, maturing with each other, praying for each other.

Promise Ring

A few days ago I heard this story ...

A teen boy bought a ring for the girl he cares about. Since they both don't really believe in dating, he just wanted to find a way to share how much he cares ... and let her knows that he hopes their friendship will grow into something more in the future.

He gave her what he called a "Promise Ring." What did he promise???

This guy told this girl that he promised to love her not as men love, because that could lead them both into taking steps they're not ready for yet, including a physical relationship.

Instead, he promised, "To love you and honor you as Jesus would."

Wow, tears filled my eyes as I heard that. (Especially since the guy in this story is my 17-year-old son.) That is one great promise!

Think about the guy you are dating. Or even the guy you like. Would he make a promise to love you and to honor you (your emotions, heart, body) like Jesus would?

It's something to think about.